The Unauthorized Story of a Lesbian Undercover
by TexasWatermelon
Summary: Ellie gets an interesting assignment from Jesse, and looks to Paige for help.[Pellie] Rating for language and mild sexual reference.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: The Unauthorized Story of a Lesbian Undercover**

**Author: TexasWatermelon**

**Pairing: Pellie**

**Raiting: Oh PG-13 for now, possibly more later**

**Warnings: Mention of Ellie's cutting and perhaps Paige's rape in later chapters**

**Note: This is AU. As in, cannon no longer exists. Basically, it's set a little after Paige quits Banting. She, Ellie, Marco, and Dylan live together. Alex is not in the picture because she went off to join the Peace Corps of all things. And Ellie didn't hook up with Jesse, because… ew. If I left anything out and you're confused about something, please let me know. I'm spastic so it's possible. Oh, and do try to ignore the idiotic poem at the beginning. That would be the horrid thing in italics down there. Once again that was me being spastic.**

_Consider the story  
__Of a princess in pink  
__Surrounded by loved ones at her throne_

_And an outcast in black  
__Watching from afar  
__As she writes in her journal alone_

_The princess with eyes  
__Bluer than the sea  
__And the outcast with hair red as fire_

_Brought together by fate  
__And oblivious to  
__The events about to transpire_

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Ellie Nash was a journalist, plain and simple. She took her assignments with pride, no matter what they entailed. She'd been kicked out of her dorm for writing a brutally honest first piece, stood for hours in the pouring rain to cover a protest about trees, and sampled every last disgusting item offered in the university caf, all for a glorious spot in the paper with her name printed in tiny little letters at the bottom of the article. Such was the life of a journalist, and Ellie never complained.

So it was when she'd received her latest assignment, one that she had to admit she was very interested in. When Jesse had told her that she was to write a dashing and eye-opening article on young gay and lesbian life in college, Ellie was intrigued. And of course, the perfect candidate for the job, considering the fact that she lived with two and a half gays (the half being Paige Michalchuk, who she hardly considered fully gay because the girl had only ever gone out with Alex Nunez for like, a second). Personally, Ellie thought this article would be a piece of cake.

"Make this a good one, Ellie," Jesse told her. "A lot of people are going to read it, and you could make a lot of enemies."

That in mind, Ellie had gone home thinking about the position she would take in her article. There was a fantastic display of homosexual deliciousness on the couch when she walked in, and she stopped to observe Marco and Dylan entwined together so that she could hardly tell where one stopped and the other started. When they surfaced for air she realized that her staring could be misconstrued as some kind of perversion and bounded up the stairs to both announce her arrival and discard her school load onto her bed. She sat down at the foot of her bed on the floor with her feet against her wall and sighed. This was how she sat for hours at a time some days, to get herself in the journalistic headspace.

Sometimes she would roll up her sleeve and stare at the scars littered there, her battle scars as she liked to call them, just like the ones her dad got when he went away to war. It made her feel a little bit better about what she'd done to herself all time, made her feel a little less ashamed at every memory of picking up the compass, or in later months the knife, and slicing into her skin. She knew that one day she would write an article about it, and that it would without a doubt be the best piece she'd ever write. Because things are best written when they come from the heart, and every ounce of blood that she'd shed due to her addiction had come from the heart.

This was how Ellie was when someone knocked on her door some time later. The redhead rolled her sleeve back down and jumped up, opening the door to find Paige standing there, perfectly shaped eyebrow raised speculatively. Ellie had never really had a distinct like for Paige, but no distinct hate either. The two had coexisted with fairly little incident, and truthfully each had a small soft spot for the other as a result of the time that Paige had discovered Ellie's… problem. Not problem, really, she hated to think of it as that. It hadn't been a problem, it had been the resolution. Regardless of what she wanted to call it, Paige had helped Ellie come to terms with the fact that it wasn't okay, and for that she couldn't be too angry with her, even if the two had managed to ignore and avoid each other as much as humanly possible since then.

"Dinner will be ready soon, if you want to get ready," Paige announced, sounding fairly disinterested. Ellie nodded mumbling a quiet thanks. Paige looked as though she were going to turn around and go back downstairs, but she stopped, looking at Ellie like she wanted to say something else.

"What?" Ellie asked, not entirely comfortable with being stared at. Well, that wasn't true. She was used to being stared at, it was _the way_ Paige was staring that made her uncomfortable. As though she were trying to get Ellie to confess to something she hadn't even been accused of yet.

"Nothing, I just…" Paige stalled. "Nothing." This time she did walk away, but Ellie swore that she'd seen those faint blue eyes flicker to her cotton clad arm. She sighed and rested her head against the doorframe, listening to Paige's feet padding softly down the stairs. She hoped the blonde wouldn't accuse her of cutting again. She hoped that even Paige had more faith in her than that. She needed people to have faith in her; it was what kept her from doing it all over again.

Dinner found Ellie contemplating her assignment again as she watched Marco and Dylan interact with each other in the kitchen, just as any other couple would do. They talked about normal things, gave each other quick pecks on the lips, found every little reason to touch each other. It seemed completely normal, but the journalist in Ellie felt that there had to be more to it.

"So, Ellie how was school?" Marco asked as he sat down across from her.

"Fine Mom, thanks for asking," Ellie replied smartly. Marco blew her a kiss and she rolled her eyes. "Actually, I got a new assignment for the paper that you might be interested in."

"Oh? Do tell," Marco urged. Dylan was now listening intently as well and even Paige was looking over at her, though her expression was a bit skeptical.

"Well, uh, Jesse told me that he wants me to do an article on young gay and lesbian lifestyles, specifically in college," Ellie explained. "I figured maybe you guys wouldn't mind an interview or something."

"That's awesome, Ellie, I wouldn't mind at all!" Marco exclaimed, clearly excited. Dylan shook his head.

"Me either," he said.

"Great, well, uh, thanks." Ellie saw that Paige was still glancing at her sideways, and turned back to her dinner, hoping that the conversation would turn to a different topic now that she'd gotten that out. Certainly with these two around, there would be plenty of information to back her article. It would be no problem at all.

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Four days later, Ellie had gotten two hilarious interviews with Marco and Dylan, and an unnecessary amount of graphic displays of affection from the two. As far as she could tell, they led fairly normal, boring lives like everyone else in Canada. There were a few instances of discrimination, stories of hatred from the boys, but a lot of people were very accepting. The same held true with just about every other gay couple she talked to on campus, and the gay pride group at school didn't offer much else. Still, Ellie felt that the information she'd gathered was good for a high school research paper at best, and that just wasn't acceptable to her. She needed more, and considering the fact that Jesse hadn't given her a deadline, she figured she had time to find it.

At the moment however, the only thing she was looking for was a soda, something that suddenly seemed impossible to find in the messy refrigerator. She didn't trust the boys enough to drink the milk, or anything else that could possibly spoil. With a sigh she finally resigned herself to water, and closed the refrigerator door. She turned around to find pale blue eyes staring at her passively and jumped.

"Paige, what… what are you doing here?" she asked. Paige raised an eyebrow.

"I was thirsty, I wanted some water," she replied dully, gesturing to the fridge. "Which you're kind of in the way of."

"Oh, right," Ellie said quickly. "Uh, here." She handed Paige the bottle of water that she'd just retrieved from the fridge. The blonde looked at it for a moment before finally accepting it.

"Thanks," she said slowly. Ellie nodded and turned to get another bottle of water out for herself. The two stood there in an awkward silence for a while before Paige finally decided to make an attempt at conversation. "So… how's the article coming?"

"Okay, I guess," Ellie replied with a shrug. "I haven't really gotten anything groundbreaking." Paige nodded, but that seemed to be the end of the communication.

Ellie took note of how lifeless Paige seemed these days. The blonde had been so full of energy in high school that Ellie could hardly stand it. As the captain of the Spirit Squad, she had to be. Even when Paige had been insulting someone, she'd always done it with vigor. She was always into everything, living life in a way that Ellie couldn't really imagine. Now, she just sort of existed. Even Ellie had more than that.

The reason for Paige's behavior, or lack thereof, was due to the departure of one Alex Nunez. Even though the two had broken up before Paige went off to Banting, they'd still managed to remain friends. When Paige had moved back, they'd gotten closer, becoming best friends again, and the way Ellie understood, they were fast tracking their way to a second go at the relationship thing. But before any of that could happen, Alex had somehow found the Peace Corps, and was now in some obscure country that Ellie couldn't even pronounce the name of doing whatever it was that the Peace Corps did. She still sent postcards every now and again, but it wasn't the same, and neither was Paige since she left.

These thoughts brought on the sudden realization that Paige had at one time been very much a lesbian, and could possibly help Ellie out with her article. The redhead looked up, a sparkle in her eye as she looked at the girl before her.

"Hey Paige, you dated a girl once," Ellie said suddenly. Paige stopped in mid gulp of her water and looked at her as though she were the dumbest person on earth.

"And?"

"And I was thinking that you could tell me what it was like. I mean, what's it feel like to be with another girl, physically and emotionally?" Ellie asked. Paige stared at her for a long time, and Ellie was beginning to think that she might end up on the wrong side of Paige's wrath when the girl finally spoke, her voice calm, but not quite as dead as it usually was.

"It's not something you can tell, Ellie. It can't be explained. It has to be experienced," Paige explained quietly, her eyes filled with memories. Ellie felt that she could almost touch them, almost get to them and find out what Paige meant if she just looked hard enough. But once again, her mind got in the way and a sudden idea popped into her head. Without thinking, or considering the hell that she would catch for doing it, Ellie stepped forward, eradicating the few feet of space that separated herself and Paige, taking the blonde's face in her hands and kissing her.

She meant for it to be forceful, meaningful, to gain some of the experience that Paige spoke of out of it. It turned out to be something different entirely as she felt Paige stiffen and then relax into the kiss. And suddenly she forgot what she was doing altogether, and just let herself melt into everything that was Paige; the scent of her hair that reminded her vaguely of coconut and ginger, musky and sweet all at the same time; the taste of her lips that held the faintest reminders of that morning's raspberry lip-gloss; the feel of her body as Ellie's hands wrapped themselves around Paige's waist, pulling her closer so that there was barely a millimeter between them. It was over so soon, and as Paige's hand found its way to the bare strip of skin on Ellie's back that her shirt didn't quite cover, the redhead let out a small moan, throwing them back into reality.

"What the hell was that?" Paige yelled, stepping away from Ellie entirely. The loss of contact was disappointing, really, but Ellie was excited by the fact that Paige had some emotion in her eyes for once, albeit negative emotion directed at Ellie.

"Well you said I had to experience it, so I was experiencing," Ellie explained lamely.

"That's not what I meant!" Paige exploded, and Ellie jumped back a few steps. Paige sighed and shook her head, her voice falling back to its usual dullness. "Look, if you really want to know what it's like to be a lesbian, then the best way to do that is to _be a lesbian_. Get into a relationship. That's the only way you're gonna know what it's really like." With that, Paige walked away, her eyes and expression dead once more, as though nothing had ever happened.

Ellie went to bed that night with Paige's words echoing in her mind. She slept in the clothes she'd worn that day, telling herself that she was much to exhausted to change, when in reality she kept them on because they still smelled like Paige, and it reminded her of the kiss. For a second today, Paige had been alive again, and Ellie realized that she liked that. Life looked good on Paige Michalchuk, and Ellie wanted to see it more often. One though remained as she drifted to sleep: she was going to get the experience she needed for her article, and get Paige back to the way she was at the same time.

**Do oblige me and review guys, let me know what you think. I'll have the next chapter up soon. Oh, and so sorry for the length, but if I didn't stop there it would have turned into the world's longest oneshot.**

**Be kind, rewind, and don't forget the TexasWatermelon**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews, and as promised here's the next chapter. I couldn't figure out what the hell color Stacey's eyes were, but they looked brown to me. If anyone has a contradiction to that let me know, because it bothers me when people get eye color wrong (especially when I get eye color wrong). Any other mishaps I've made, please make me aware of them.**

**Oh and I forgot my disclaimer in the last chapter, so I'll officially state that I do not in fact own Degrassi nor do I own the characters. I just like to fiddle with their feelings.**

Paige Michalchuk was a beautiful specimen to behold. Of course, Ellie had never doubted this beauty, never questioned it, but now she was viewing it in a slightly different light. And so, Paige was beautiful, even as she sat at the kitchen table wearing a pair of light blue Banting sweatpants and an old and well worn white tank top with her hair pulled up in a bun so messy and loose that Ellie wondered how exactly it was staying up. She was reading the morning newspaper, pale blue eyes scanning the headlines as she skipped from story to story, clearly not very interested on what the Toronto Times writers had to say on modern political subjects.

Ellie had woken up that morning, surprised to find that she was still resolute in her decision to attempt to court Paige, both for her sake as a journalist and for the blonde's as a person. After all, Paige had said that she needed experience in the matter of same sex relationships to write a good article, and Ellie had not missed the light that had found its way back to Paige's eyes after they'd kissed the day before. Perhaps all the former college student needed was a good swift (loving) kick in the ass to get her back on track.

"Did you want something?"

Ellie's eyes refocused, and she found herself staring into the very same blue eyes that she'd been previously observing, though she'd been carried away in her train of thought, leaving her unaware of her unbidden staring. Now Paige was looking at her with slight annoyance, and Ellie had the good grace to blush appropriately as she shook her head.

"No, I was just thinking. Sorry, I stare sometimes without realizing it…" she trailed off, realizing that Paige didn't give a damn what she did and didn't do. Ellie averted her eyes finally, staring down at the very boring tiles on the floor. She stayed like this for a while, hoping that Paige was no longer staring at her like she was an idiot, until another one of her brilliant ideas illuminated her mind. "Hey, um… I could kind of go for some coffee. Feel like heading to The Dot?"

Paige's eyes raised from the third page of the newspaper slowly, traveling up every inch of Ellie's body as it leaned against the counter, making the redhead almost wish she hadn't said anything at all. When they finally reached Ellie's own brown eyes, they stopped, staring at her once more as though she just said something completely ridiculous. Of course, she had said something completely ridiculous. She'd invited Paige to go with her to The Dot. Inviting Paige to go anywhere with her other than Hell seemed completely ridiculous now that she thought about it.

"Okay," Paige agreed finally, and Ellie blinked, not quite sure if she'd heard right. Had Paige seriously just agreed to go with her? "Let me change first." Before Ellie had time to recuperate from the shock of it all, Paige had folded up her newspaper and left the kitchen to go upstairs and change. Ellie was just barely coming to grips with the fact that she and Paige were actually going on an outing together when the blonde came back into the kitchen, clad in loose jeans and a light green zipper hoodie with her hair up in a more presentable pony tail. Even manically depressed Paige didn't dare leave the house looking a wreck. She did, however get impatient, and looked at Ellie expectantly. The redhead finally collected herself and pulled her car keys off the hook.

"Uh, I'll drive I guess," she said, and Paige followed her out the door.

The Dot was the same as always, filled with the young energetic bodies of Degrassi's finest as they got their caffeine jolt before embarking on their oh so spectacular Saturday plans. Spinner was also the same as he approached the very unlikely pair a bit cautiously as they sat down at the bar in silence.

"Paige, Ellie," he greeted them with an awkward smile. "What can I get you?"

"I'll have a coffee, black," Ellie replied. Spinner nodded and looked at Paige expectantly.

"I'll have the same," she said quietly, and both of them raised eyebrows at her. Ellie had always thought Paige to be one of the preppy latte drinkers who couldn't handle coffee straight from the bean, and Spinner had been taking the girl's order long enough to know that she was. He seemed to know better than to question her though, and so he moved off to get them their coffee.

"Here you go," he said, setting to large mugs in front of them. Ellie smiled her thanks, handing him the money to pay for them both. Paige merely nodded and sipped her coffee, unable the horrible face that came with it. Ellie suppressed a grin.

"You could have gotten something you liked more, you know," she pointed out. Paige shrugged.

"I wanted this." Ellie nodded appreciatively and the two drank in silence.

"Paige," Ellie started suddenly. The girl in question turned her head to glance at the redhead. "I just… wanted to say that I- I'm sorry about yesterday. I really just want to do good on this article, and when you said I needed experience, I thought… well I don't know what I thought. I get these stupid ideas in my head and I act on them before I can really think it through. I didn't mean to invade your space or offend you or anything."

Ellie wasn't sure what she was expecting from Paige after that little rant, but it certainly wasn't what she got, which ended up being a small smile, albeit a little weak. It had been so long since she'd seen Paige smile that she'd forgotten that it could be so heart stopping, even for the adventurous heterosexual girl who merely wanted to write a good article and help someone out at the same time. But it was indeed heart stopping, if not a little breathtaking, the way that the corners of Paige's mouth curled up just so, wrinkling her eyes a bit so that they sparkled slightly. The blonde was not invested enough in the smile to show any teeth, which was probably a good thing because Ellie knew that it would inevitably result in staring again.

"It's okay," Paige said finally. "I understand." Ellie gaped and Paige sighed, turning to look at her fully. "Look, I know that I've been less than human lately, but I don't want you- or anyone for that matter- to feel like you have to walk on eggshells around me. I just need to find my own way, and I think it'd be easier to do that if you would just… be you."

Loss for words did not quite describe Ellie's condition at the moment, for she'd been rendered speechless and thoughtless all in the same minute. Paige had actually spoken to her about what she was feeling. The fact that Paige was talking about her feelings at all was a rarity, but the fact that she was talking about it to Ellie was completely unbelievable. The only thing the redhead could do was nod slowly to show that she had been paying attention to what Paige told her and that she understood it as well.

"And for the record," Paige continued, a slightly larger smile creeping onto her face, "you're not such a bad kisser." Ellie gaped openly this time, her eyes round as saucers as she looked at Paige, before suddenly breaking out into laughter.

"Thanks," she said when she'd finally caught her breath. "You're not so bad yourself." Paige shook her head and let out a small chuckle, turning back to her coffee. "You know, last I heard, the boys were going out on a date tonight. I don't know about you, but that leaves me with nothing to do. What do you say we rent a bad horror flick and pig out on popcorn?" Paige contemplated this for a while before nodding.

"Okay, but no horror movies. I don't do horror, Goth Girl," she said with a grin. Ellie feigned offense.

"Excuse me, but I don't do chick flicks."

"Well then I guess you're watching movies on your own," Paige threatened, a superior glint in her eye that Ellie felt like she'd seen on an entirely different person years ago. But it was the same person, and it had only been a few months that Paige had been like this. Still, it was good to have a piece of her back.

"Fine," Ellie relented with a sigh, realizing that if she wanted to get anywhere near the second part of her mission she needed to learn to compromise with Princess Paige. "Chick flicks it is." Paige nodded her approval and became silent again, though Ellie couldn't help but notice that she seemed a little perkier the rest of the day.

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"Look, I'm all for 'Take the Lead', but honestly that triumphant outcast story is so outdone. Why not go for 'Mr. and Mrs. Smith'? At least it's got a little action in it."

Paige gave Ellie that recently trademark look of hers that told her she'd just said something incredibly stupid, and sighed, shutting her mouth and putting the aforementioned DVD back on the shelf. The blonde had three movies in hand, and all of them made Ellie think she was going to throw up from the excessive amount of feel good vibes radiating from the boxes. Regardless, she knew that she wasn't going to win on this matter, and decided to shut up altogether. She could make fun of the movies when they watched them. That would be her payback.

When the movies were rented and the popcorn purchased, the girls returned home. They'd waited until Dylan and Marco had gone off on their date to go out and get the movies, and now the house was nice and empty for them to take full advantage of their video watching plans. Ellie left Paige to decide what movie they would watch first while she went to make the popcorn. She returned to the living room to find Paige curled up on one end of the couch, navigating her way to the title menu of "Just Like Heaven". Ellie resisted the urge to roll her eyes and plopped down on the opposite end of the couch, placing the popcorn in between them.

The movie was sickening, just as Ellie had expected it to be, and she'd commented on a good many points of idiocy on the director's part. The fact that someone could project their spirit into the world from a comatose state was completely ridiculous to her, and she'd told Paige as much. The blonde had simply glared at her and turned back to the screen. By the time it was over, Ellie wanted to vomit up all the popcorn she'd just eaten, but refrained for the fact that she'd used all of her energy making fun of the movie and could no longer move from the couch.

The popcorn bowl had long since been removed from the couch and placed onto the coffee table, and now Ellie took up the space stretching out a little so that her upper body was closer to Paige. As a new movie was placed in and Paige pressed play, Ellie felt her eyes start to drift closed. Within ten minutes of the movie, she was fast asleep, and so hardly noticed that she'd stretched out so much that her head was resting on Paige's lap. Paige however, being wide awake still, did.

It was no secret that Paige was depressed. She knew it, everyone else knew it too. And it wasn't as though she liked being that way, she just didn't know how to stop being sad. Alex had been a blessing and a curse all in one fell swoop, bringing her amazing joy and happiness when she was around, and the deepest feeling of emptiness now that she'd gone. She'd tried to take her mind off of things, to get close to people, to make new friends and start dating again. Each time she'd failed miserably. Things just weren't the same without Alex. _She_ wasn't the same without Alex.

And then the kiss with Ellie happened, and for the few seconds that it took, Paige had almost felt alive again. Obviously Ellie was the person she least expected to start talking to her, to be watching girly movies with her, and drinking coffee at The Dot, and especially to be kissing her. Still, Paige had to admit that the girl wasn't half bad. They'd had what constituted as real conversations today, and it felt good to interact with someone again on a more personal level. This, though, was perhaps a bit too personal.

Ellie's head on her lap was warm and heavy, and the contact was nice, just like the kiss had been. Well actually, the kiss had been pretty damn good, but all the same, Paige was wary. She had a feeling she knew what Ellie was up to, and she wasn't all that interested in being the journalist's newest social experiment.

Realizing that she was no longer interested in watching the movie, Paige turned the television off and looked down at Ellie, who was breathing heavily in her sleep. She placed a hand on the fiery tresses, running her fingers through them carefully. She was so tired of not feeling. She wanted something good in her life again. Maybe a friendship with Ellie could give her that.

Paige lifted Ellie's head gently and placed a pillow underneath it as she stood up from the couch, careful not to wake the sleeping girl. She pulled a quilt off of the nearby armchair and draped it over Ellie before taking a seat on said armchair, watching the girl sleep absentmindedly as she let her thoughts overtake her until she too fell asleep, not even awoken by Dylan and Marco's entry into the house sometime well past midnight.

**Reviews of course, and next chapter will come soon.**

**Would you like some TexasWatermelon with that popcorn girls?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Why hello there, friends. As promised, here's another update. Consider yourselves lucky because I don't think I've updated this much ever, with any story, and believe me I was an avid updater when I wrote for Charmed. These two just manage to inspire me a lot with their combined hotness, as do your reviews, which I thank you very much for.**

**So sorry to my Canadian friends who had to bear with me making up my own newspaper name for the city of Toronto. But come on, it seriously _should_ be called the Toronto Times. Alliteration is always a winner. So here's a shout out to the Toronto Sun, which is the real newspaper in TO.**

**Warning: I feel it is my duty to inform you that there is mention of Paige's rape in this chapter. Not graphic or detailed, but people are strange sometimes so just to let you know. Okay, that's it. On with the chapter.**

The next week had been interesting, to say the least. Ellie had been afraid that excessive amounts of time spent with Paige would turn her into a snotty bitch prep who wore entirely too much pink and drank sugar-filled iced coffee drinks because they couldn't handle their coffee black. This was not the case, however because Ellie soon came to find out that Paige wasn't like that at all. She was a completely different person than she had been in high school, and Ellie was glad for it.

The two had gone on several outings for the week, many of them at The Dot for some coffee, which Paige had stopped ordering black because she finally had to admit that she couldn't stand it. They talked sometimes about strange and random things, but never about the past, and never about Ellie's article. Most times they just sat, engrossed in their thoughts separately, but enjoying the fact that neither of them was alone for once.

Other times they went shopping, and Ellie noticed that these were the times that Paige seemed more like her usual self than anything. She'd get an excited glint in her eye whenever they'd near the mall, and Ellie knew she was in for a few excruciating hours of hell. But she enjoyed it more than she let on, because Paige was fun this way and Ellie liked having her around. They were happy with the arrangement that they had, and Marco and Dylan were both happy that they were happy.

Ellie thought about these things as she neared her mother's house. She thought about them because she couldn't deal with the other thoughts that said house brought with it. The memories of her mother lying on the couch, passed out cold from a night's worth of drowning her sorrows (and her liver) in whatever alcohol she could scrounge up. The memories of the fire that her mother had inadvertently caused, and of course the memories of Ellie in her bedroom cutting herself because it was easier than dealing with what was going on around her. These memories were not ones that Ellie cared to think about at the moment, and so she thought about Paige instead, because Paige managed to make her forget all of the bad stuff for a little while.

The blonde had offered to come with her, knowing that the look of calm on Ellie's face was only a mask to hide the one of terror underneath. She said that she could go with her, and stay in the car and be there for support when Ellie was done. Ellie appreciated the thought, but they both knew that this was one of those things that she had to do alone. Visiting her mother was not something that she liked, but it wasn't something that she could avoid either. It had to be done.

Ellie found her mother well; looking haggard and worn, but well just the same, and the visit was not the catastrophe that she always expected it would be. Still, the only thing she really wanted after the strained and awkward visit was to go home and curl up on the couch for a little while. She barely did anything on this trip, and it still managed to exhaust her beyond belief. Marco was waiting for her in the kitchen with a strong cup of coffee, which she took gratefully, along with his proffered hug.

"How was it?" he asked.

"It was good, I guess. She's doing good, so, it was good." Marco prodded no more, and Ellie took her coffee upstairs to her room, where she sat on her bed for a good hour or more until a knock on the doorframe lifted her out of her thoughts. Paige was standing there looking calm as ever in her ripped jeans and baby blue t-shirt, holding a plate of something.

"Hey, hon," she said, entering the room slowly and perching on the edge of Ellie's bed. "I brought you some cookies. Thought they might cheer you up." Ellie raised an eyebrow skeptically, looking at the small round baked goods sitting innocently on the plate.

"Since when do you bake?" she asked cautiously. Paige grinned.

"I don't, but the coffee shop down the street does and they have the best cookies in town. Here, try one. If nothing else the sugar rush will make you bouncy."

"Bouncy?" Ellie laughed. "Have you ever seen me bouncy?" She took a cookie anyway, taking a small bite out of it. Paige was right, it was very good.

"Okay, well maybe bouncy was a bit optimistic," Paige agreed. She too took a cookie and the two of them sat there for a few minutes in silence, as they were often prone to do. Ellie knew that Paige was waiting for her to say something about her visit to her mom, but Paige never asked and Ellie was glad for it. The blonde always let her speak in her own time, no matter what it was about.

"She's doing better," Ellie said quietly and Paige looked up at her, giving her full attention. "I think rehab's helping, but… I just don't think I'll ever be able to have that normal mother-daughter relationship with her. Maybe I don't even want that, I just wish that I knew I could talk to her sometimes. I wish I could call her and tell her my problems, and have her worry over me and give me that advice that only mothers can seem to give. Is it wrong to wish that she would be better so that she could help me fix my problems?"

Paige stared into Ellie's dark brown eyes sparkling with unshed tears and shook her head, pulling the girl close to her and holding her tightly. "No, sweetie. It's not wrong. It's not wrong," she whispered soothingly, stroking the dark red tresses as Ellie clung to her as though she might fall off the face of the earth if she let go. When they finally parted Paige offered her a sympathetic smile and Ellie laughed weakly, wiping a stray tear out of her eye.

"Sorry," she apologized quickly and Paige shook her head.

"Don't be, hon. You know I'm always here if you want to talk," she said seriously. Ellie nodded, staring into those pale blue eyes far longer than was necessary. Her chest tightened in anticipation as she realized that she wanted to kiss Paige again. Paige seemed to know what was happening too, but she said nothing as Ellie leaned closer to her. When they were only a few inches apart Paige closed her eyes and put her hand on Ellie's chest, gently stopping her from moving any further. Ellie looked at her in confusion as Paige pulled away looking sad and slightly apologetic. "Ellie, I… I can't. I'm sorry. I can't be a part of your newspaper experiment, not now. I'm sorry."

She put her hand on Ellie's cheek, looking very sorry indeed. The redhead barely had time to lean into the touch before it was gone. Paige stood up and left the room, leaving nothing but her lingering scent, an empty feeling of guilt in Ellie's heart, and a half eaten plate of cookies.

--------------------------

Both Paige and Ellie were fairly quiet the next few days, a normalcy for Paige, but not so much for Ellie. Marco noticed as much, but when he questioned her about it, she told him that everything was fine and she was just a little distracted with school and the newspaper. This wasn't a total lie, but her distraction with the newspaper happened to come in the form of a pretty blonde whom Ellie found herself missing, even though their rooms were only a few feet away.

The two were polite to each other when they had to speak, but when it was possible they mostly avoided each other. Ellie was consumed with guilt for trying to use Paige to write her article when they'd already been making such good progress as friends just in the first week. She wasn't sure if Paige was mad at her or not, but she decided that it was best to give the blonde some space.

Still, Ellie couldn't quite shake the feeling that perhaps there was something more to her attempt to kiss Paige the other day than just the article. In fact, she realized that she hadn't even been thinking of the article at all when it had happened, and her actions had come purely out of the moment at hand. So what did that mean? Did she like Paige? Well of course she liked Paige, but did she want a relationship with her? Perhaps she was just worrying too much and it wasn't anything to do with Paige at all. Perhaps she'd just been overwhelmed by the emotion she was feeling and would have tried to do the same exact thing had it been Marco or Dylan in Paige's spot. Regardless of that, she had to admit that she wasn't entirely fond of her non-communication with the blonde, and decided that she needed to rectify the situation as soon as possible.

The opportunity to do just that presented itself one night in the form of noise, and a lot of it coming from Paige's bedroom. Ellie had been putting the finishing touches on an assignment for one of her classes in her bedroom when the faint sound of whimpering floated through her open door. She looked up, listening hard, but there was nothing there, and she figured that she had probably just imagined it. That was until she heard it again, a little bit louder this time and a lot more desperate. Ellie frowned and set her laptop aside, moving to the doorway and listening out into the hall.

The sound was coming from Paige's bedroom, and more specifically from Paige herself. If Ellie hadn't already known that Paige had gone to bed alone, she would have sworn that there was something promiscuous going on in there. These were not good whimpers, however, and Ellie was beginning to worry as they grew louder. Deciding to investigate, she moved slowly to Paige's bedroom. The door barely cracked open, and Ellie listened to Paige's distress for a moment before pushing it open the whole way.

It was dark in the room, but the light from the hallway illuminated it a bit so that Ellie could see Paige lying in her bed, the covers wrapped messily around her as she thrashed about. She was muttering something in her sleep, and as Ellie moved closer she could tell that the girl was pleading with someone, begging them to stop whatever it was that they were doing to her. Ellie wasn't sure if she should wake Paige up or not, but the look of terror that had etched itself on the girl's face made her decide that Paige was better off awake than asleep at the moment, so she walked over to her, placing her hand on Paige's shoulder and shaking gently. This caused more harm than good as Paige thrashed even harder.

"Paige, wake up," Ellie urged, shaking a bit harder.

"No," Paige moaned in her sleep. "No, stop. Please stop."

"Paige come on, it's just a dream. Wake up. Come back to reality," Ellie said, louder this time as she placed both hands on Paige's shoulders.

"Get off! Get off me!" Paige yelled, kicking underneath the covers.

"Paige!"

The blonde bolted upright, causing Ellie to jump back away from the bed. Paige looked around wildly, panting heavily as she tried to catch her breath and recognize her surroundings. Her eyes darted to Ellie and she finally seemed to realize that the dream was over. She put her head in her hands, shoulders shaking with silent sobs, and Ellie was at a slight loss for what to do before her brain kicked in and she sat down on the bed, taking Paige into her arms.

"Shh, it's okay," she soothed as the blonde sobbed into her shoulder. "It's over now. You're safe." These reassurances only caused Paige to cry harder, and the sound of her strangled sobs as she struggled for breath made Ellie's heart break a little. Ellie held onto her tightly, rocking her back and forth as she soothed her, until Paige's cries finally died down to short, shaky gasps for air. Paige pulled back and looked at Ellie, her face red and her eyes puffy, cheeks stained with tears. Ellie reached up and brushed them away, offering Paige a small smile. "You okay?" Paige nodded.

"Yeah," she croaked, her voice hoarse from crying. "Thanks."

"No problem," Ellie assured her. "Do you want me to go?"

"No," Paige said quickly, gripping Ellie's arm tightly. "Can you just… lay here with me?"

Ellie was slightly surprised by this request and the way that Paige sounded so small when asking, but she nodded anyway, letting Paige shift over so that she could lay down with her. Paige rested her head on Ellie's shoulder, curling up alongside the girl and Ellie put her arm around her protectively, stroking her pajama-clad arm as Paige settled down. They stayed like that for quite some time, so that Ellie was beginning to believe that Paige had fallen asleep again when the blonde suddenly spoke.

"It was like I was living it all over again," she said quietly, her voice back to normal now. "I felt like I was suffocating. I tried to get away, but he was so strong." Her voice was barely above a whisper now.

Ellie knew about Paige's rape when she was fifteen, but she'd never heard about the details of it, nor did she care to. The though of someone forcing themselves on anyone was disgusting to her, and she couldn't imagine how Paige dealt with it daily. She suspected that after time it got easier, but still…

"I kept telling him to stop, but he just… wouldn't," Paige continued, her voice cracking again. "Why wouldn't he stop, Ellie? Why wouldn't he stop?" Ellie felt her heart break all over again as she pulled Paige closer to her.

"I don't know, Paige," she said honestly. "But it doesn't matter anymore. You've got Marco and Dylan now. You've got me. I'll protect you, keep you safe." She meant to say "we'll protect you," but it seemed that her mind liked the idea of promising to be Paige's personal protector, and Ellie had to agree. Paige pressed herself closer to Ellie, if that was at all possible, and Ellie held her tighter. Placing a small kiss on the top of Paige's head, she whispered, "you've got me," until Paige fell asleep again, nightmare free.

**Oh the sweetness of Paige and Ellie together... _-swoon-_ Review me, y'all. Next chapter to come sooooooon.**

**TexasWatermelon. It's good for the soul.**


	4. Chapter 4

**What's up, peeps? So I think that all true Pellie fans will like this chapter. At least I hope you do. And my sincerest apologies to Aiedail01, who has most unfortunately fallen under the spell of TexasWatermelon. It is impossible to cure. Not that you would want to anyway! Ha, I'm kidding. Okay…**

**Once again, warning that there is mention of Ellie's cutting. And Degrassi doesn't belong to me, blah blah, you know the rest. Here's the chapter already.**

Morning found Paige and Ellie wrapped up in each other exactly as they had been when they fell asleep, with Paige draping an arm across Ellie's stomach and Ellie cradling Paige protectively at her side. The sun filtered through the slats in Paige's blinds, permeating Ellie's eyelids so that she drifted slowly to consciousness. She blinked a few times before looking down at Paige sleeping on her shoulder. It felt good to have her there; her warmth, her heat. It was comforting.

Something felt strangely different to Ellie. It seemed that something had been reached between them last night, as though they climbed the next rung on the ladder. She wasn't exactly sure what was at the top of that ladder, or even what the rungs represented, but she felt closer to Paige somehow, and that seemed important. She knew that things were better between them, and that the attempted kiss no longer mattered, but she wanted to let Paige know that she was sorry for it anyway, and she intended to do just that when the blonde finally stirred.

Having Paige's head on her shoulder all night seemed to be having a negative effect, because Ellie realized that she could no longer feel her arm. She hardly wanted to wake Paige (after last night's fiasco the girl could use all the peaceful sleep she could get), but Ellie was afraid she might lose her arm if she didn't get some blood back into it soon. She shifted slightly, making an attempt to move Paige's head to a less obtrusive position, but the movement caused Paige to rouse. Her eyes fluttered open slowly, and suddenly Ellie was met by that light blue orbs, seemingly paler than usual in the morning light. All movement stopped as the two stared at each other, and once again Ellie felt like she wanted nothing more than to kiss Paige in that instant. However, she didn't want a repeat of a few days ago, and so she refrained.

"Morning," Paige said softly, her voice clouded with sleep.

"Unfortunately," Ellie replied. Paige cracked a smile, which quickly turned into a wide yawn, causing Ellie to scrunch up her nose.

"Sorry," Paige groaned. "My morning breath is atrocious."

"No it's not," Ellie lied quickly, and Paige raised an eyebrow at her. "Okay, yes it is." Paige grinned and rolled over, finally giving Ellie's arm the relief it needed. The redhead sighed, shaking the deadened limb out a bit.

"What's wrong?" Paige asked in concern as both of them sat up. Ellie shook her head.

"Nothing, just my arm fell asleep over the course of the night," she explained.

"God, I'm sorry. I'm such a selfish sleeper," Paige apologized quickly. Ellie meant to assure her that it was okay, but ended up wincing as the blood rushed back to her arm and it started to prickle.

"Don't worry about it," she said finally. "I'll live." Paige nodded absentmindedly.

"Thank you for last night," she said quietly, looking back up at Ellie. "I was majorly freaking out, but you managed to calm me down. No one's been able to do that since…"

The silence that followed was filled by the amazingly large elephant in the corner of the room; an elephant that had tan skin, deep brown eyes, long dark hair, and went by the name of Alex. Both girls ignored it until it finally shrank and went away, though Ellie had a feeling that it would be back soon.

"Paige, I wanted to apologize for the other day in my room," Ellie started, staring down at the comforter.

"Hon, it's okay. Don't worry about it," Paige instructed, but Ellie shook her head.

"No, I just…" Ellie sighed, beginning to feel frustrated with the fact that she couldn't find the words she needed to describe to Paige what she was feeling. Her skin was beginning to itch, and she wished she had a rubber band around her wrist at the moment. Unfortunately, having a rubber band with her meant that she still had the urge to cut, and Ellie didn't want to have that urge. But it was making her nervous, not being able to say what she wanted to say, and she began to scratch at her wrist. Paige looked down at her with worry, laying a hand on top of Ellie's to still the movement.

"Hey, it's okay. You can tell me anything, just don't get upset. Take your time." She let her thumb rub soothing circles across the back of Ellie's hand, watching as the redhead calmed down a bit. Ellie sighed, taking time to organize her thoughts so that she could express to Paige what she was feeling.

"I'm not apologizing for trying to kiss you, because I genuinely wanted to do that. But I am sorry for thinking that I could use you to help me with my article. I wasn't thinking about how that could hurt you. Honestly, I like being friends with you. You make me feel like a person. You look at me, and you know what I've done to myself, but you don't judge me. Thank you for that," Ellie said sincerely.

Paige looked genuinely shocked at Ellie's confession, but the redhead felt better for telling her. Ellie found herself staring down at her hand, which was now held in Paige's as the blonde continued to rub her hand lightly. It was soothing, to be sure, and lulled her into a trance of sorts until she finally heard Paige speaking to her again.

"No Ellie, thank you." Ellie lifted her eyes to find Paige staring at her, a look of intense seriousness on her face. "Since Alex left I've been… well, I've been worthless. But you took the time to talk to me, to be my friend. You make me feel like me again. Regardless of you motives, I can't thank you enough." She stopped, and Ellie felt like she could almost see the Alex elephant pop right back into place as Paige considered what she wanted to say. "I loved Alex. I never got the chance to tell her that, but I did, with all my heart. She made me who I am today, or at least who I was before she left. Now that she's gone, I feel like I'm broken. I don't know how to be that person that I was without her."

Paige's confession was laced with sadness, one that found its way into Ellie's heart as she realized that she could never be for Paige what Alex had been. But if she thought about it, she was the exact same way. Ellie herself had been a different person when she was with Sean, and when he left she was no longer that person. The same held true with Craig. And each time one of them left, she was a little lost until she found someone else. Perhaps she couldn't be what Alex was for Paige. But she could be herself for Paige, and maybe that was enough.

"Maybe you don't have to be that person anymore," Ellie said quietly. Paige frowned a little, and Ellie was slightly distracted by how cute it was before she remembered that she had to continue. "Alex is gone, and she took that part of you with her. You'll never get it back, not unless you get her back. But maybe you don't need that part of you. Maybe you can build a new part to fill that space, with someone else. Not necessarily a lover, but maybe just a good friend." Ellie stopped before deciding to add one last thing. "I could be that friend for you."

This speech left Paige not only at a loss for words, but also so touched that she didn't think that she could speak even if she did know what to say. Ellie was right. She would never be "Alex's Paige" again. Truth be told, she didn't really want to be anyone's Paige. She just wanted to be Paige, without need of any support to keep her personality alive. She had a feeling that she wasn't quite strong enough for that, but if she had to be someone's Paige, she wanted to be Ellie's, because this girl had invested more time and care into her in two weeks than almost anyone that Paige had ever known, and that was including any previous boyfriends she'd had.

And so Paige swallowed down the huge lump in her throat and smiled through the unshed tears and said, "I want you to be that friend, Ellie. I really do."

-----------------------

Two more weeks had passed since Ellie and Paige had resolved to pull each other out of the hole that they'd been in, and inseparable did not quite describe the way that the two of them were. The only time that the two weren't together was when Ellie had a class or a meeting at the paper (or when one of them was in the bathroom, because that kind of closeness was just unnecessary). Often times they would even sleep in the same bed, because they'd been up so late talking or just being in each other's presence that they ended up falling asleep wherever they were.

Of course all of this closeness was not for nothing, because it was having an obvious effect on them both. Paige had been doing some serious thinking on what she wanted to do with herself. She'd finally gotten a job at The Dot because she wanted to get some cash in her pocket and help carry her own weight around the house. She was back to dressing in more than just sweats everyday, she sang in the shower at the top of her lungs (originally because she was truly happy, but now it was just to spite Marco who had taken to complaining about it), and she'd even taken to making them all a real dinner on occasion rather than living on take out as they had been. She laughed loud, and smiled a lot, and was just an all around fun person again. And everyone loved it. More importantly, so did she.

As for Ellie, she too had been a little happier these days. She wasn't going so far as to sing in the shower or cook, but she'd invested herself in her school work and written a few very good articles for the paper. When Jesse had asked her about her original assignment, she told him that she was still researching, and that she wanted to get every side of the story. She'd resolved that Paige would no longer be a part of that, because Paige had become something much more important than a research tool for a newspaper article.

Ellie had expected this resolution to leave Paige out of the article to fix things for her altogether. It hadn't, however. There were times when they would be sitting on Paige's bed, talking about whatever the topic was for the night, or even when they would just be sitting in silence, thinking to themselves, and Ellie would suddenly find herself with a very strong urge to kiss Paige. Or when she would be sitting at the kitchen table writing something for school and the blonde would be preparing dinner with Marco and Dylan, laughing and dancing to the songs on the radio. Those were the times that Ellie never got any work done at all because somehow Paige would manage to pull her up out of her seat and get her to dance as well, and occasionally even help with the food preparations.

These things worried Ellie because she wasn't sure why she was still feeling them. Before she thought it was due to her need to write a good story, but now that Paige was out of that equation things no longer added up. It was when she would catch herself looking at Paige- staring at her body, her smile, her eyes, wanting her- that Ellie became very worried indeed, and it was these instances that brought her up to her bedroom and placed her at the foot of the bed, sitting cross-legged as she thought to herself on such matters.

Such a thing was happening at this very moment. Ellie had spent a very long day with Paige at the mall. Paige had agreed to go into some of Ellie's favorite clothing stores, and so it was only fair that Ellie go with Paige into her favorite stores as well. It was when the blonde began trying things on that Ellie ran into a problem, because she found herself enjoying the opportunity to let to her eyes roam all over Paige's body without suspicion a little too much. When they'd finally gotten home, Ellie excused herself to go upstairs under the excuse of homework, of which she had none.

She'd been sitting in silence for a good half an hour before her thoughts directed her to her scars, and she rolled up her sleeve, staring down at them as she let the memories fill her. Ellie figured that it was only because she did this that she was able to go without wanting to cut herself again, and if she'd tried to suppress the memories during these times she'd probably slip up again. So she thought about her cuts, and how they'd started out as a release from all of the drama at home and gone on until they no longer had any meaning, until she did it just because it was normal to her and because she liked the routine. There were places that she'd gone over twice, even three times because she'd run out of space on her arm. Some cuts were only done once because for some strange reason she couldn't bring herself to cut over them. Her first cut, for example, was never drawn over. Nor was the one, she suddenly realized, that she'd done that day in the bathroom when Paige had walked in on her. Strange attachments kept her from going over those particular scars, as though they were place markers in time that she didn't want to erase.

The redhead was so wrapped up in these thoughts that she didn't even hear when someone entered her room and crossed the floor to get to her. It was only when the person sat down across from her that she noticed they were there, and by then it was too late. Ellie didn't have enough time to roll her sleeve down, or even really think about it before Paige had grasped her wrist gently, much like she had that day in the hallway when she'd turned Ellie in to Sauve. Ellie looked at her in slight apprehension, afraid that she would be accused of cutting again. The fact that Paige could hardly accuse her when there were no fresh cuts didn't cross her mind.

Paige said nothing, however. She merely took her other hand and reached out slowly to Ellie's forearm, giving the girl plenty of time to pull away. Ellie didn't pull away, and Paige gently touched her arm, tracing her fingers across the tiny white lines that dotted the skin there. Ellie felt a chill go up her spine as Paige continued. Only two people had ever been brave enough to touch her scars before, Paige being one of them. It somehow felt more personal this time, as though she could almost heal the skin back to its natural state with her touch and that soft, caring gaze. Finally, after what seemed like hours later but was really only a few minutes, Paige tore her eyes away from the scars and looked into Ellie's. Ellie was scared of what she would find there; judgment, disgust, disappointment, hatred. But she found none of these things. Instead, there was care and understanding, and even a little sadness, and Ellie felt relieved that Paige seemed to know that she was okay.

And then she was consumed by that feeling again that she wanted to be so much closer to Paige. Only this time it didn't scare her, because somehow she knew that Paige was feeling it too. Still, Ellie made no move and it was Paige who closed the short space between them, her hand leaving Ellie's wrist to rest on the girl's cheek. Their lips met softly, and it was completely unlike that first kiss in the kitchen, except for the fact that it was exactly the same. Every sensation of being so close to Paige filled Ellie's brain and time itself seemed to leave the room, closing the door behind it so that they could have their moment in peace. And just as Paige had initiated the contact she was also the one to stop it, though she softened the loss by placing another small kiss just on the corner of Ellie's mouth. She smiled a little, and Ellie smiled too, but was soon confused as Paige suddenly stood up. It must have shown on her face, because the blonde gave her a knowing grin and extended her hand. Ellie took it and helped herself up and Paige put an arm around her and led her downstairs.

**Mmm, Pellie is scrumptious. Please let me know if that chapter was entirely too cheesy or whatever. But I had to have them kiss because I was killing myself with the anticipation of it. And the no dialogue thing was killing me as well. Two whole pages with no dialogue whatsoever. **_**–dies-**_** And it is unfortunate, but there probably won't be another chapter of this until Sunday. I'll see if I can get another chapter up before the end of the day, but I might not be able to get it done. No worries though, I'll be sure to have one for you first thing Sunday afternoon.**

**Lots of love and care makes the TexasWatermelon patch grow wild.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Oh my gosh you guys, what's up? So I heard the craziest thing the other day. The Spice Girls are getting back together. Isn't that the most dumbfounding thing you've ever heard? I don't even understand it.**

**Sorry that this came out a day later than I'd hoped, but I kept getting distracted with actually watching Degrassi instead of writing it, and then there was a repeat of South of Nowhere on that I had to watch, and after that The N had the premier of its new show The Best Years, which looks pretty good. At any rate, this is just Pellie fluff for you guys. The next chapter will not be so nice. Sorry.**

There's a feeling that one gets when they enter a new relationship. This feeling is often unexpected, completely uncontrollable, and sometimes blindingly obvious. It consists of certain physical reactions whenever one comes into contact with their new love interest, including increased heart rate, a jumpy stomach, and increased smiling. It is incurable and extremely sickening to all surrounding witnesses. Ellie Nash had this feeling.

A month of being with Paige Michalchuk had made Ellie, in her opinion, the happiest person alive, though Paige liked to contest this saying that she too was very happy. Regardless of that small argument, the two were not only inseparable, but they were attached at the hip as well.

They'd decided to keep their relationship to themselves until they'd had enough time to figure out exactly what their relationship was. However, their seemingly constant need to touch each other made it hard, especially with Marco watching them like a hawk. They were finally discovered when he barged into Paige's room one day without knocking, and found them kissing languidly on the bed. Needless to say, he'd been ecstatic about the whole situation, even though Dylan had been slightly weirded out by the fact that his roommate and his sister were dating, and was convinced that they were having sex all the time in the next room over.

Ellie had been slightly worried at first, thinking that every move she made was being judged by Paige. The blonde did have more experience than she did in this area, after all. This brought on a whole new wave of insecurities as Ellie considered the fact that Paige might be comparing everything to did to Alex. The blonde seemed to read her easily though, and put those doubts to rest.

As for Ellie's article, she'd decided to write it using the interviews she'd gotten from other college students, including Marco and Dylan, and leaving Paige out of it completely, just like she'd promised. It wasn't a great piece, but it got the job done, and Jesse seemed happy with it. Now she could concentrate on school and writing other articles for a while, and be with Paige in peace.

Paige, on the other hand, had been working very hard at The Dot, saving up money like crazy, though she hadn't as yet decided what she wanted to do with herself as far as Ellie knew. The redhead hardly cared, she'd stand by Paige, whatever the girl decided. She just wanted Paige to be happy again, and as far as she could tell, Paige was.

It was on a Saturday evening that Paige finally spoke up on her future plans. She, Marco, Ellie, and Dylan were in the living room watching bad Saturday night movies on TV, the boys spread out on the couch together while Ellie sat in the armchair with Paige curled up on her lap. Paige was playing absentmindedly with Ellie's hair, which effectively had the redhead near sleep, when she suddenly made a strange announcement.

"I think I want to go into fashion."

Ellie's eyes snapped open fully and she looked up at Paige in confusion. The blonde looked down at her as though she hadn't really planned on saying that out loud, but shrugged anyway.

"What do you mean?" Marco asked, eyebrow raised. Paige shrugged again.

"I don't know. I mean, I've always liked clothes and shopping and stuff, and I think I would have fun designing clothes and selling them," she said. "And I was thinking that maybe I'd try fashion design."

"Paige…" Dylan said slowly. "Are you sure?" Paige nodded.

"Yeah! I mean, I know things with Banting didn't really work out, but I was distracted and homesick. I've already checked things out online and there's a really good school right here in Toronto. And Marco, I figured you wouldn't mind helping me out with ideas and stuff since you seem to have an eye for fashion, plus maybe Jimmy has some designs he wouldn't mind lending. So, you know, I just thought…" Paige trailed off, looking around. Ellie quirked an eyebrow and grinned.

"If this is what you want to do, then I'm behind you all the way," she said sincerely. Paige grinned and kissed her lightly.

"Thanks, El."

"Yeah, I'd be glad to help out, and I'm sure Jimmy wouldn't mind either," Marco offered. Dylan nodded, knowing that he didn't really have much to say in the way of fashion, but wanting to let his sister know that he was there for her anyway.

"Thanks, you guys. Really," Paige said with a smile. They all nodded. Paige settled back in, resting her head on Ellie's shoulder as she continued to watch the movie in silence. Ellie, however, was now completely distracted and couldn't help grinning as she looked down at Paige. Her girlfriend was one of the most quirky people she'd ever met, and she loved it.

Ellie stopped, her thoughts sticking on that word. Girlfriend. It was strange that she, Ellie Nash, had a girlfriend. She'd never even considered it before, never found another girl hot. How could she when she had boys like Marco (total bust), Shane (that didn't work out either), and Craig (she didn't even want to go there) to occupy her thoughts? Perhaps she was better off with a girl. Maybe this time she could have a relationship that didn't end in catastrophe.

Of course, being with Paige came with a lot of attachments. First of all, Ellie had no idea what she was doing when it came to being with a girl. She was sure that Paige would be more than happy to guide her through that learning process, but it was scary nonetheless. And then there was the fact that Paige was still recovering from post-Alex depression. She loved Alex, and she always would, and Ellie wondered if she could ever measure up to that. There were a lot of things that could screw this up for them, but if they could hold on and keep it together, they could be happier than either of them had been in a long time, and maybe that was worth being scared. Looking down at Paige, Ellie smiled.

Yeah, she wanted that.

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Sports were something that Ellie had never taken much interest in. She didn't like watching them, she didn't like playing them, and she didn't like paying good money for tickets to go sit and watch them for an hour while a bunch of drunk guys yelled at the refs and spilled beer all over the place and started fights. Hockey was the epitome of these activities, but Dylan played hockey, and Marco and Paige loved Dylan, and Ellie loved Marco and Paige.

And so she was sitting in the front row, pressed right up against the Plexiglas as a bunch of guys skated by, so wrapped up in padding and helmets that she could hardly tell the difference between them. She was not particularly happy about the seating arrangements, but Dylan had insisted that they have the best seats, and since the tickets were free she could hardly complain. However, whenever a fight would break out it seemed that the participants happened to be right where they were sitting, and slammed up against the walls, causing Ellie to jump half way out of her seat. Paige would laugh when she did this, and Ellie glared at her.

After the game was over, they met Dylan down at the locker room, fresh from the shower and dressed in normal clothes again. He greeted Marco with a kiss and they all congratulated him on his game-winning shot, even though Ellie had been too preoccupied with dodging beer splatter to see it. Dylan thanked them and they made their way out of the stadium.

"So what do you guys want to do tonight?" Marco asked. The girls shrugged and Dylan looked down at his watch.

"It's still pretty early," he pointed out.

"There's that new club down on 3rd Street," Marco said excitedly. Dylan shrugged.

"I'm game." Paige nodded. The three of them turned to Ellie, who after the game did not feel like dancing, but she hardly wanted to be the one to break up the party.

"Whatever," she sighed, and Marco grinned.

"Awesome, let's go!"

They piled into Dylan's car and made the short drive to 3rd Street, walking over to the club which appeared to be packed already. They flashed their IDs and went inside, Dylan offering to go get them drinks. They agreed to sit down first, but it wasn't long before Paige and Marco were up and dancing to some song that Ellie could barely hear because it was playing so loud. Dylan soon joined them, leaving Ellie at the table to sip her drink as she watched the three of them dance.

There were a few people that danced with Paige, guys and girls included, but Ellie could tell just by looking at her that she wasn't interested in any of them. Indeed, the blonde soon turned to her, gesturing for her to come out on the dance floor. Ellie shook her head with a slight grin, and Paige pouted. The redhead could feel her resolve melt instantly and with a sigh she got up, walking over to them slowly.

Paige immediately put her arms around Ellie, moving against her in time with the music. Ellie made an attempt to just stand there, but with the music playing and the bodies all around her, she eventually found herself moving with Paige. Marco moved in between them, doing some crazy dance that likely could never be replicated again, and Ellie laughed pushing him away as she let herself loosen up.

They danced to each new song as it came on, and time passed without them really noticing. Soon Ellie found herself pressed hard against Paige as the blonde locked eyes with her. Ellie had never seen a look of pure lust like that before, especially not from Paige, and she felt her breath quicken slightly as Paige's hands slowly made their way down her body, resting on her hips.

And then Paige was kissing her, and it seemed as though the music had suddenly been turned off, even though their bodies were still moving with it, against it, in it. Ellie's arms wrapped around Paige's neck as she sank deeper and deeper into the darkness that filled her head. Paige's tongue ghosted across her bottom lip once, twice, a third time, and Ellie opened her mouth, feeling the warm intrusion slip in. As their tongues moved, so did their hands, Paige's slipping under Ellie's shirt, scraping lightly at her back and causing the redhead to arch slightly. Ellie moaned, but it was drowned out by the thudding music, or perhaps that was her heart pounding so hard in her ears. The only thing she really knew for sure was that if they didn't get somewhere soon, they would be far beyond simply dancing in a nightclub.

-----------------------------

The car ride home was some kind of horrible torture. It seemed that Paige couldn't keep her hands off of Ellie, and the girl didn't want her to except for the fact that it was driving her crazy and they couldn't really do anything with Marco and Dylan in the front seat. Paige's lips were on her constantly, sweeping down her neck, nipping at her ears, biting at her chin. And those hands of hers, oh God, those hands. They were sending chills up Ellie's spine and back down again as they trailed over her stomach, her arms, down her thigh, across her back. It seemed like she might go insane if it didn't stop.

When they got to the house, Ellie jumped out of the car, grabbing Paige's hand and practically sprinting upstairs. She didn't care what Marco and Dylan were doing at this point, she just needed Paige in her bedroom now. Once they were up there, Ellie shut the door and turned around, looking at Paige with an expression of intensity that was returned to her threefold. She grabbed Paige by her belt loops and pulled forcefully, crushing their lips together so hard that she was convinced there would be bruises in the morning. Somehow she ended up slammed against the door with Paige's hands up her shirt again, this time going further as they slid against her breasts.

In need of a distraction, Ellie tore her mouth from the blonde's, trailing harsh kisses down her neck and shoulders, sucking on her pulse point. She reveled in the moans that Paige elicited, and stopped only to pull Paige's shirt over her head and toss it across the room. Ellie was no longer worried with knowing what to do. She figured that it would come to her naturally. With Paige, it seemed easy. She just hoped they made it to the bed in time.

**Ouch, sorry, I know you're probably pissed that I stopped there, but honestly I can't write sex scenes to save my life so be happy that I didn't ruin it for you. As I've said, the shit hits the fan in the next chapter, so be prepared if it's not all candy and daffodils. Reviews pleaaaaaase!**

**TexasWatermelon? Seriously, that stuff is all the rage. It's better than poutine.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Oh wow, I'm really really sorry for being late, but what can I say? I was born late. At any rate, I have a chapter here for you and I'm actually quite proud of this one. I think you'll like it. And yes, I had A LOT of fun writing the first two paragraphs.**

**I just want to say thank you to all of you amazingly awesome people who reviewed and put me on your alerts. You guys rock. And because there were some questions, I will reply to you even though it's against the FF.N rules. Frankly, I could give a shit. I hate that rule. It's stupid. So here ya go.**

**independentthinker:**** First of all, thank you for the review. Second of all I'm not sure that converting from Darco to Pellie is possible. I mean, you can be a fan of both right? And honestly, I thought I had changed the rating. I will do that right after I post this.**

**Oh… so I guess there was really only one question. Well at any rate, I enjoy any excuse to break FF.N's stupid rules. Okay, chapter now. Enjoy.**

Sex was a thing that Ellie never really considered important. Granted, when she was younger and in high school, she'd thought it was for a little while, especially when she'd been dating Marco and wanted him to like her. That all went down the drain when she found out that he was gay, but that was beside the point. Even with Sean she'd never really felt that it was necessary. Sure, they'd had sex, but it wasn't something that either of them really stressed. But with Paige, it seemed that sex wasn't necessary, Ellie just wanted it. _A lot. _If she'd thought that their relationship was great before that night at the club, she _knew _it was great after.

It wasn't as though the two of them went to bed every night and just undressed expecting to get it on. Usually, they were doing completely innocent things, such as watching a movie, or cleaning up from dinner when the urge struck. It started with a small smile, usually from Paige. Tiny kisses followed, then it escalated into little touches, until the girls found themselves running upstairs, giggling the whole way.

As for Paige, she had talked to her parents long and in depth about her future plans to go into fashion, telling them that she would go to school whether they backed her up or not (but that she would really rather they did back her up). At first they had been a bit iffy on the subject, but after many assurances that it would make her truly happy to do it, they agreed to help pay for it under the stipulation that they were given frequent updates on her progress. With both parties satisfied, Paige went home and applied to the school of her choice for the next semester.

And so it was that things were really very good for the two of them, both personally and together. Ellie was doing well at school, and writing good articles for the paper, which made Jesse happy. Marco and Dylan were doing fine, and though Dylan had obvious objections every time Ellie and Paige would run upstairs, he had to admit that he was glad that his sister had finally found someone to pull her out of her slump.

The days leading up to Easter weekend were very hectic in the Michalchuk/del Rossi/Nash residence. They had all decided to take another stab at hosting a collective family dinner in hopes that there would be no exploding dishes of any kind. Marco's parents were coming, as well as Dylan and Paige's. The only person without relatives scheduled to make an appearance was Ellie. Paige thought that this was unacceptable, and decided to tell Ellie as much.

They were in the kitchen on Thursday morning, Paige bustling around before her shift at The Dot. Ellie was positioned at the table, clad in sweat pants and a t-shirt, her hair up in a loose ponytail and her face free of makeup. Her eyes were glued to the screen of her laptop as she tapped away at the keys, finishing up an assignment for her journalism class that afternoon.

"Hon, what time is your class until today?" Paige questioned, taking a swig of her water. Ellie looked up from the screen and bit her lip.

"It goes until two, which is just before the end of your shift. Want me to meet you?" she asked. Paige shook her head, looking regretful.

"I would love nothing more than that, but unfortunately my mom wants me to run over there to pick up some recipes. She wants to make sure I don't screw dinner up this time," she explained, rolling her eyes. Ellie grinned, but said nothing, turning back her computer. Paige watched her for a minute before deciding to bring up a topic that she'd been trying to find the right time to explore for the past few days. "Speaking of which, we, um, have an extra chair for Sunday."

"Yeah, so? Was there someone else you wanted to invite? Oh, did you want Spinner to come? I know you guys have been talking a lot more since you started at The Dot," Ellie spouted off, still typing up her report.

"No, not Spinner, hon, he's probably going to be with his family," Paige said. Ellie looked up again, her head cocked curiously.

"Oh, then who?" she asked. Paige took a deep breath and walked over to Ellie, perching herself on the redhead's lap and draping her arm over Ellie's shoulders.

"Well, I was thinking that you might invite your mom," she said slowly. Ellie's face changed from curious to surprised to fearful within seconds.

"No way," she said, shaking her head. "Paige, no way. That is a recipe for disaster."

"Sweetie come on, I think you're being a little dramatic," Paige soothed.

"No, you don't understand. She cannot function in a social setting. And with all the people that are already coming… it just wouldn't be good." Paige sighed and rested her forehead against Ellie's.

"Ellie, she's all alone. It's Easter. People shouldn't be alone on Easter, especially when they've got people who love them." Ellie closed her eyes and Paige rested her hand on the girl's cheek. "Look, if you don't want to, if you don't think you're ready for it, that's fine. It was just a suggestion. Come on, look at me." Reluctantly, Ellie's brown eyes fluttered open. "Whatever you decide, I'm here for you." She gave Ellie a quick kiss before standing up and grabbing her keys. "Think about it," she said as she walked out the door.

-----------------------

Ellie did think about it. She thought about it all day Thursday. She thought about it Thursday night while watching The Best Years with Paige. She thought about it Friday morning during her psych class, and she especially thought about Friday afternoon as her car drove her to her mother's house seemingly of its own will, even though it was her hands that were guiding it there.

As she approached the all-too-familiar house with its all-too-familiar memories, she couldn't help but ask herself what she was thinking. She considered turning around and driving home where there would a TV and ice cream to make her feel better, and where Paige would end up after her shift. But her feet would not move no matter how hard she tried to make them do just that, and her hand raised itself to the door and knocked.

For a few seconds there was nothing, and Ellie thought she might be saved. Perhaps her mother was sleeping, and she could just leave without anyone ever knowing she'd been there. She was not spared, however, because after a few moments she heard footsteps behind the door, and it soon opened to reveal Mrs. Nash.

Ellie's mother was looking well, to say the least. Her skin wasn't so deathly pale, her face seemed a little fuller, her eyes seemed brighter. She looked like she was actually living for once, and life looked good on her. That wasn't to say that she looked as though things in her life were perfect. She looked sad and lonely, and maybe just a little lost. She definitely looked surprised to see Ellie, and that made the redhead somewhat ashamed.

"Eleanor…" her mother trailed off. Ellie offered a small smile.

"Hi, Mom. Can I come in?" she asked. Her mom stared at her for a few moments before stepping back so that Ellie could enter the house.

"Did you want something to drink?" Mrs. Nash asked after several minutes of (very) uncomfortable silence.

"No, I'm fine, thanks," Ellie replied quietly. She stayed silent for a few more seconds before she realized that she should get to the point quickly. "Listen, um… Paige, Marco, Dylan and I are hosting Easter dinner at our place on Sunday. The others are having their family over and I just wondered if maybe you wanted to come." Okay, so it wasn't as hard as she thought it would be. Her mother, however, was staring at her as though she'd suddenly sprouted a third head.

"You want… me to come to dinner?" Ellie suddenly found herself very nervous, and resorted to uncontrolled rambling to solve the problem.

"I mean, you don't have to if you don't want. I didn't know if you already had other plans. I'm sure you do though, I mean it was stupid of me to think that you'd be free. You don't have to worry about it, I just thought I'd ask, but if you've already got something…"

"I don't," Mrs. Nash said quickly. Ellie swallowed loudly and nodded.

"Oh. Okay. So… did you want to…"

"That sounds nice," her mother said, offering a small smile. Ellie breathed out heavily and nodded again.

"Okay. Good. That's… good. Um, so dinner's at two, but you can, um, just show up whenever," she offered.

"Okay," Mrs. Nash said quietly.

"Okay," Ellie echoed, staring at her mother for a minute. "So, I'm gonna go." She turned and opened the door, which she'd barely moved an inch away from since entering the house and left, heaving a huge sigh when she was finally outside. She couldn't help but think that a conversation with her mother shouldn't have been that hard.

-----------------------

"Papa called, he wants to bring desert. I told him that canolis weren't Easter food, but he insisted."

Ellie was barely listening to the chatter going on around her as the four of them sat around the table Friday night, making short work of the large pizza that they'd ordered. She always felt slightly odd after visiting her mother, and today was no exception. She was plagued with the memories that she really didn't want to have to deal with, and with thoughts of what could have been, what should have been, had her father never gone off with the army.

In a way she felt good about inviting her mother. Truth be told, Ellie didn't like having to think about the woman shut up in that house all by herself, with only the painful flashbacks to keep her company. And Paige had been right, of course. No one deserved to be alone on Easter, especially when Ellie was perfectly capable and available to entertain her mother. It was with this thought that she finally spoke up, completely unaware of what was being discussed beforehand.

"I invited my mom to dinner on Sunday," she announced. All talk immediately ceased and the three of them looked at her with a mix of shock and surprise. "She said she would come." Still, there was no response. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah, yeah of course," Marco said quickly, being the first to recover. Dylan nodded his agreement.

"She's welcome here anytime," he said. Ellie looked over to Paige who was smiling at her like a proud parent.

"Sweetie, that's great," she said sincerely, giving Ellie a hug which the redhead returned gratefully. "I'm glad you changed your mind." Ellie nodded.

"Me too."

-----------------------

Easter Sunday brought on a wave of activity, and all were so occupied with cooking and cleaning and getting things prepared that no one really had time to talk about, or even really think about anything that was going on. Paige had decided to let Dylan handle the baked ham, even though there was no stuffing to splatter the kitchen with. Paige handled the side dishes while Marco helped with desert, and Ellie offered to tidy up the house.

Dylan and Paige's parents were the first to arrive, and their mother went straight to the kitchen to observe the job they'd done on the meal much to both of her children's protests. Marco's parents were next, carrying a large platter of canolis, as promised. There was a lot of conversation, conversation that Ellie was forced to participate in due to the fact that she was in a relationship with Paige. It seemed that Mrs. Michalchuk didn't really care who her children were dating; she had just as many questions to ask Ellie as she would have if Paige were with a guy.

It was just before two when the doorbell rang again, and with a clenching in her stomach, Ellie excused herself to go answer it. There stood her mother on the doorstep, looking just as nervous and out of place as Ellie felt and carrying a tray of something or other. Ellie opened the door wider to allow her in.

"Mom, you came," she said, trying to hide the surprise in her voice.

"I made brownies," her mother said, holding the tray out. "I know they're not Easter food, but…" Ellie smiled a genuine smile and took them from her.

"It's okay. Marco's dad brought Italian desert, so I don't think anyone will mind if there are brownies."

"Mrs. Nash, it's great to see you!" Paige exclaimed, coming in from the kitchen. She held a hand out for Ellie's mom, and the woman took it somewhat caustiously.

"Uh, Mom this is Paige Michalchuk. Paige, this is my mom," Ellie introduced. Paige shook Mrs. Nash's hand eagerly.

"It's very nice to meet you. Here, sweetie, let me take those," she offered, taking the brownies from Ellie and into the kitchen.

"I can take your jacket," Ellie said, and her mother nodded, taking the article off and handing it to her daughter. "The kitchen's just through there. You can go in and have a seat." Ellie hung her mother's jacket up and followed her in. "Guys, this is my mom. Mom, these are… the guys." Paige rolled her eyes at Ellie's introduction, but gave her a loving look nonetheless.

"Why doesn't everyone just go around and introduce themselves?" she suggested. Everyone did introduce themselves, and Mrs. Nash took a seat at the table.

Not long after, dinner was served, and even though there were jokes made about Paige's famous turkey, no natural food disasters occurred. Everyone seemed as though they were having a genuinely good time, even Ellie's mom, who was talking with everyone else.

Half way through desert, the conversation was interrupted by the doorbell ringing once more. Paige frowned, wondering who it could possibly be, but got up to answer it anyway. Of the list of people that ran through her mind, the person that she found on the other side of the door was most definitely not on it.

"Alex?" Paige whispered, gaping slightly.

Indeed, Alex Nunez stood on the doorstep looking as though she'd never even left, save the suitcase by her side. She offered Paige a large grin.

"Hey Paigey. Got room for one more?"

**Yes, yes, predictable I know. But I really set this up in like the first chapter. And I feel like a complete N whore for my Best Years Reference. I know that it doesn't air on Thursdays and I know that they probably don't watch it in Canada, but whatever. Let me be the whore that I am, please, for I am not cool enough to get CTV, so I am stuck with The N. Oh, and I keep forgetting to mention this, but in my pretty little watermelon-shaped head Paige DID NOT have sex with Spinner after she and Alex broke up because THAT is just… UGH[pukes in trashcan It really has nothing to do with this fic at all, I just felt the need to get that out there. And Paige/Jesse also induces the urge to vomit. Uh, yeah. I'm done now.**

**TexasWatermelon- you can't live without it, so why would you even try?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Urg, I feel bad for taking so long. But my Ginny/Fleur story was getting pissed at me for neglecting it, and with the movie and the book (amazing!) I had enough inspiration to pull some more out of it. Anyway, I'm back with this, but before we start, I need to do a N/Best Years rant, and all fellow N whores will appreciate this.**

**Last Friday's episode with Noah's quote: "Oh Bel Air High, you go there." WHAT! He seriously used that line? And who else finds it completely hilarious that not only is there a Canadian on the show, but that two Degrassi cast members appear on the Bel Air High DVD's that they watch? Mike Lobel and Cassie Steele (who in true N fashion had to kiss a girl, because it's not an N show unless SOMEONE is gay). I'm putting huge huge bets on Noah figuring out that he's gay. I could be wrong, but I just have a hunch. I mean come on, seriously. Anyway, I'm done.**

**Aiedail01****- Yes, the Best Years reference was the thing that I was most proud of. It had to be done.**

**Arista****- You are questioning my choice in dinner times? _-is appalled-_ No, actually my family eats pretty early on holidays so that's why. And of course Ellie is a nympho with Paige! That much sexy cannot be contained in a non-physical relationship.**

**pisces iscariot****- Believe me, I was tempted to do the South of Nowhere reference. _-is eagerly awaiting new season-_**

**Thanks to everyone else who reviewed! Now onto the story.**

_Alex is back._ That was the one though coursing through Ellie's mind as she sat at the dinner table that night, surrounded by Marco, Dylan, and Paige as they asked Alex a slew of questions. Well, Marco and Dylan asked anyway. Paige just kind of sat there glaring slightly. Ellie kept her gaze fixed on the table the entire time, attempting to drown out the voices. She just wished that Alex would disappear.

Despite the fact that Paige looked less than pleased to see Alex, Ellie couldn't help think that would change. Alex was still Alex, and eventually she would worm her way back into Paige's heart, just like she'd managed to do back in high school. The difference was that now Paige had Ellie, and Ellie quite liked being Paige's girl. She wasn't exactly ready for that to change.

"Alex, that's incredible!" Marco exclaimed suddenly, and Ellie looked up. What was incredible? Alex did something incredible? She searched her memory, trying to figure out what they'd just been talking about. Oh yes, Alex had just been recounting her time in Malaysia, saying something about hiding away in a shelter with little kids while bombs exploded outside. How valiant.

"It wasn't incredible, Marco, it scared the shit out of me," Alex said, rolling her eyes.

"Well yeah, that too I guess," Marco amended, shrugging it off.

"You must be pretty tired," Dylan cut in before Marco could start up again. Alex nodded. "Well I'm sure we can make room—"

"You can sleep in Ellie's room! Right El?" Marco asked, shooting a look at Ellie, though he didn't seem to care if it was okay or not.

"Uh, thanks Marco, but isn't _Ellie_ going to sleep in Ellie's room?" Alex asked, eyebrow raised. She gave Ellie a friendly "he's crazy" look, and she made a feeble attempt to smile back.

"Oh no," Marco continued on. "She can sleep in Paige's room."

"Well then where is…" Alex trailed off, looking from Paige, who was looking mightily pissed off, to Ellie who looked sheepish, to Dylan who was staring down at the table, and finally to Marco, who looked like he'd just said the world's dirtiest word. "Well Ellie, I had no idea you played for our team." Ellie said nothing, but Paige jumped to her defense.

"Shut up, Alex," she growled. Alex turned her dark gaze to Paige.

"Just wondering, Paige, how many of my other female friends have you screwed since I've been gone?" she asked maliciously.

"Screw you, Alex!" Paige yelled, jumping up from her seat. Her face was bright red with anger and she seared Alex with her hateful gaze before storming upstairs. Ellie hesitated a moment, looking at the remaining occupants of the table, before following after her. After a few minutes of silence, Marco cleared his throat.

"Well, there's always the couch," he offered. Alex shook her head and stood up.

"Don't worry about it guys, I need to go visit my mom anyway. I can stay with her," she said, shaking her head slightly as she grabbed her bags and left.

"Smooth," Dylan said, rolling his eyes. Marco threw his hands out in an "as if I could've known that would happen" gesture, and the two began cleaning up the mess.

Upstairs, Ellie was being treated to a symphony of ranting courtesy of Paige.

"Who does she think she is?" the blonde raged, throwing her clothes around the bedroom as she shed them. Ellie sighed and plopped down on the bed. "Showing up here in my house," Ellie raised an eyebrow and Paige caught it in the mirror, "_our_ house, just assuming that I would fall back into her arms, like I wouldn't have found somebody else. And then _she_ gets mad at _me_, like it's my fault that she left for the freaking Peace Corps. The Peace Corps! Who the hell actually does that? Practically calling me a slut, insulting my girlfriend!" She growled, ripping a comb through her hair violently. "Bitch! How dare she!" She threw the brush down on her dresser, turning back to face Ellie. "Tomorrow, I'm gonna find her and give her a piece of my mind."

"And what good is that going to do?" Ellie questioned calmly.

"It'll make me feel better!" Paige exclaimed, pulling on a tank top to sleep in.

"No it won't." Paige looked at her questioningly. "All it's going to do is piss you off… again." Paige sighed and plopped down on the bed, resting her head on Ellie's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"For what?" Ellie asked curiously.

"For all of this. For Alex showing up—"

"You didn't have any control over that," Ellie interrupted.

"I know, but… And then with all the yelling, and what she said to you, and me ranting your ear off when you probably want to just go to bed and forget about it all," Paige continued. Ellie smirked and put her arm around Paige.

"Yeah, but what fun would it be to be your girlfriend if there weren't outbursts every now and again?" she pointed out. Paige smacked her playfully and the two fell back onto the bed together, giggling.

"Ellie?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you for being there. For being simple and easy to understand, and for being able to understand all of my non-simpleness," Paige said earnestly. The redhead smiled and rolled over to face her.

"Anytime," she said, giving Paige a small kiss.

-----------------------------------

The next day Paige had work and Ellie had classes, leaving both on their own to think about what exactly it meant that Alex was back. For Ellie, it meant that there could be a potential threat to her relationship with Paige, and that she would have to trust that the blonde wouldn't do anything stupid with Alex. For Paige, it meant that she would have to do everything in her power to avoid the "raven-haired beauty on the wrong side of the tracks" for fear that she might to something incredibly stupid. Not the kind of stupid that Ellie was thinking of, but the kind that involved bloody hands and body bags and her friends and family having to come visit her in jail. Did they offer conjugal visits for murderers?

It just so happened that Paige's would-be murder victim was entering The Dot at that moment, her dark brown eyes searching the establishment, clearly on a mission. Paige was too busy wiping up the nearest table to notice, and it wasn't until Spinner yelled a jubilant "Alex!" that the blonde finally looked up, her eyes locking on the two of them as they hugged.

"Hey Spinner, I was just looking for…" Alex's dark brown gaze found Paige and she smiled. "Paige!" Paige glared at her, giving her a look that she hoped let Alex know that she really wasn't interested in talking to her.

"Well when you're done talking to Paige, have a seat. I want to hear all about your trip," Spinner said. Alex nodded and made her way towards Paige, who made every effort to return to her table washing and ignore her.

"Paige, can I talk to you?" The blonde rubbed furiously on a non-existent spot on the hideously colored orange surface. "Paige, come on. Look, I'm sorry, okay? It was just a shock to hear that you and Ellie were together. I didn't mean to say that stuff."

"Yeah, well you did, Alex!" Paige snapped finally, looking up at her. "And it's none of your business who I date, okay, because _you_ were the one that left, not me." Alex sighed, knowing that getting Paige to talk to her, albeit a little angrily, was some sort of progress.

"I know, and I'm really sorry. To you and Ellie both. I hope you guys are happy together," she said, offering Paige a serious look.

"Thank you," Paige said stiffly, and she returned to her table, whether to avoid eye contact or to let Alex (who didn't take the hint) know that the conversation was over.

"Look, I was thinking that you and I could go out sometime. Just to talk!" Alex said quickly at the venomous look Paige shot her. "You know, to catch up. How's tonight?" Paige narrowed her eyes, but after a few moments consideration, decided that it couldn't hurt.

"Fine," she agreed.

"Great. I'll meet you at seven." With that, Alex was gone, and Paige was happy for it, though thoroughly exhausted from the encounter. She plopped down at her magnificently clean table with a sigh.

"What was that about?" Spinner asked, sitting down across from her. Paige rolled her eyes.

"You never can tell with Alex."

-----------------------------------

That afternoon, after her shift at The Dot, Paige slugged home to take a shower and wash the smell of coffee off of her. The caffeine addicts' drink of choice lost its appeal after one spent all day around it, serving it and smelling it and watching people drink it. Now all Paige really wanted was a very large bottle of water. Or perhaps some vodka would do. It might make her outing with Alex a little more enjoyable on her part.

"Hey Paige," Ellie said cheerfully from her spot at the kitchen table. Paige jumped, clutching at her chest.

"Ellie, what are you doing here?" she asked. Ellie raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, I live here. You know, this is where I sleep. Generally with you," she said slowly, looking at Paige like she'd gone insane. Oh wait, she had.

"Oh, right. Yeah, sorry, I'm just… long day," Paige finally managed. Ellie frowned.

"Everything okay?" Paige nodded and grabbed some water out of the fridge. "Well listen, I was thinking that maybe tonight you and I could go to the movies. There's that new foreign film I want to watch." Paige was seconds away from nodding eagerly at Ellie. She wanted nothing more than to spend some quality alone time with the girl, even if it was in that stupid movie theater. Then she remembered Alex and groaned.

"I can't," she said regretfully. Ellie looked crestfallen.

"Why not?" Paige froze. Alex's name was on the tip of her tongue, but somehow she couldn't bring herself to tell Ellie that she was blowing her off for her ex-girlfriend. The redhead would be hurt or angry or possibly both, and Paige was much too tired to deal with that and the questions that she was sure would follow. It was better if Ellie didn't know.

"Staff meeting," Paige said quickly. "At The Dot. Yeah, our manager called an emergency staff meeting tonight about some stupid little thing or another." Ellie didn't look very convinced. "But you can still go. I'm sure Marco wouldn't mind going with you. He likes all kinds of movies." Ellie nodded and Paige decided that she needed to get out of the room quickly. She didn't like lying to Ellie. It made her stomach all acidy. She gave her girlfriend a kiss on the cheek, announcing that she needed a shower, and walked upstairs slowly, Ellie watching after her.

**Arg! Paige, you lied to Ellie! How could you? Oh, and Paige's rant was so so fun to write. Reviews guys!**

**And by the way, another thing for all of you N whores, who else is in love with the new advertisements with all of them by the pool? I saw one today where Spencer was walking through the yard waking everyone up, and then she ended up on the roof with Ashley, Samantha, Ellie, and a couple of other people. I kept rewinding it because it was just so… Ugh! I love it. And then of course I had to pause when we had Spencer, Ashley, Sam, and Ellie in the frame. What a great picture that was. Okay, I'm done now. Hit me up!**

**Here Ellie, have some TexasWatermelon to keep you company**


	8. Chapter 8

**I am sooooooooooooooooooo sorry that this took so long to get out, but I was on vacation for a week and then school's starting on Monday (which is bad news because I can't be sure of the consistency of updates). Anyway, I'm here and I have a nice angsty chapter for you. Oh, and guys? Be nice to poor Alex. She just wants her Paige back. And hey, who can blame her right?**

"The movie theater?"

Toronto was a big city. Granted, most Degrassi kids never ventured any further than a five mile radius of the community, but still, there were a lot of places that one could go to catch up with an old friend that didn't involve smelly, processed cheese substances and over-buttered popcorn. There was The Dot, for instance, the place where Paige was actually _supposed_ to be tonight. It only made sense for her and Alex to go there, that way if Ellie suddenly appeared, it wouldn't be suspicious in the least. But no, Alex wanted to go to the movie theater.

"Alex!" Paige exclaimed, looking at the brunette, who was driving towards said theater with a purpose. Alex turned her head to glance at Paige with a raised eyebrow. "The movie theater!?"

"Yeah, why not?" Alex asked. "For old time's sake." She garnished this with a grin and turned back to face the road. Paige sighed and threw her head back against the headrest. If she wasn't so damn proud, she could just tell Alex that she'd much rather go to The Dot. But then that would raise questions as to why, and then of course that would bring up the fact that she'd lied to Ellie. She'd lied to _Ellie_! Paige suddenly felt sick to her stomach. This was so, so wrong.

"You okay?" Alex asked, looking over at Paige again. The expression on the blonde's face was one of anxiety mixed with a queasy look. Alex was sure that Paige had gotten over her panic attacks, but perhaps she was wrong. Then again, why would she be panicking? It's not like they were doing anything wrong. They were just catching up. Right?

When they pulled into the parking lot, Paige practically bolted out of the car and into the movie theater. Alex ran after her, catching her just before she went inside. She turned Paige around to face her, and the blonde managed to look everywhere but at Alex's face. It reminded her of the first time they'd kissed, and how Paige had been in rant mode about bus passes the next morning just to avoid addressing the issue at hand. It worried her that this had Paige acting so strange.

"Look, if you're not comfortable with this, I can take you home. We can just do that awkward avoidance thing until I ship out again," Alex told her, looking at her seriously. Paige looked up into her dark eyes, filled with honesty. She was being stupid about this whole thing, really. It was just Alex, and she wanted them to be able to have that comfortable friendship they'd had before. Surely Ellie would be able to understand that.

"No, it's fine Alex, really. It's just… I don't know. It's weird doing this again after all this time. But let's go in. I'm sure it'll be fine," Paige assured her. She hoped it would be fine. More drama was definitely on her do not need list.

The two entered the theater lobby and sat down at the only unoccupied table in the place; it was as busy as Alex remembered it to be. Paige's blue eyes were scanning the place nervously, as though she were checking to make sure that no one she knew would witness the two of them together. In fact, that was exactly what she was doing, not because she was embarrassed to be with Alex, but if word got back to Ellie about this… Paige really didn't want to have the fiery redhead unleash her temper upon her. Somehow she suspected she wouldn't come out unscathed.

"Did you want anything? If I remember correctly, the only thing resembling food here is soft pretzels, but occasionally a nice order of nachos and liquefied cheese product hits the spot," Alex offered. Paige shook her head.

"I'm good, thanks, but you go ahead and order whatever you want." Alex frowned, but got up to get her food anyway. She came back with a large soda, some nachos, and a soft pretzel, which she slid towards Paige.

"In case you decide you're hungry," she explained at Paige's confused look. The blonde shot her a slight smile, which Alex returned as she sat back in her chair. "So, Marco tells me you've decided to go into fashion." Paige nodded. "How come?"

"Well, you know, it was the one thing I was really good at in high school," Paige told her with a shrug. Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Right, Miss 'I got accepted into the Harvard of the North'. You were good at a lot of things in high school." Paige smiled somewhat shyly.

"Yeah, only I seem to remember flunking out of Banting. Guess I wasn't as good as you thought. I wasn't as good as _I_ thought," she replied, looking down at the table. Alex scoffed.

"So big stuffy college wasn't for you. Big deal. You're just cooler than that. I mean, look at me, I didn't go to college and I'm completely happy with the way my life turned out. Well, mostly, anyway…" Alex trailed off, catching Paige's eye for a second before the blonde looked away again. They both knew what the 'mostly' entailed.

"Anyway," Paige said, bringing the conversation back around to the original topic, "fashion was the only thing I was ever really passionate about in school, no matter what kind of marks I got. I mean, I'm pretty sure I spent more time deciding what outfit to wear every morning than I ever did on homework. It's just what I'm interested in."

"Fair enough," Alex nodded, noticing that Paige had finally relaxed into her chair. Maybe this would turn out okay after all.

"And what about you, Miss Nuñez? You never did tell me what made you decide to join up with the Peace Corps," Paige pointed out with a devilish grin.

"Well, I am the epitome of anti-violence, as I'm sure you know," Alex replied with a flourish. Paige chuckled and shook her head and Alex sobered up a bit. "But really… I don't know, traveling the world to help out kids and women who are caught up in these horrible situations with nowhere to go, no one to talk to or to understand what they're going through, or to tell them that it'll be okay, it just kind of hit home with me. I mean, there were never really a lot of people who could make me feel better in my life. You and Jay, when he wasn't being an asshole, and that was about it. I just wanted to be able to give that to someone."

Paige looked at Alex with a mix of sympathy and admiration. Alex had a rough time of it growing up, she knew that well. Hell, she'd witnessed it the few times that she'd gone to Alex's house. The fact that she was dedicating her life to making people less fortunate than herself feel like they had some ounce of hope made her heart melt a little. She was beginning to remember all the reasons that she'd fallen in love with Alex in the first place. All the animosity and nervousness she had about this little outing in the beginning was…

Totally warranted because Ellie and Marco were entering the theater together at that exact moment. Paige's eyes went wide and she sat there frozen for a few seconds. There were a lot of people sitting around the lobby, maybe neither of them would see her. Then again, maybe it would be safer if she ducked under the table. Before she could execute this plan, Marco's eyes locked onto her and his face lit up.

"Paige, Alex!" he exclaimed, running over to them with Ellie in tow. Paige swallowed and looked up at them. She caught a look of hurt and betrayal on Ellie's face for the briefest of moments, but it was soon replaced with hardened indifference. "Ellie and I were just about to catch a movie. You guys should join us." Marco was clouded by the same oblivious excitement as always. Paige wished he would just shut up.

"Actually, Marco, I'm not really feeling all that well. I've kind of lost my appetite for movies… or anything, for that matter. I'm just going to go," Ellie spoke up. Marco's excitement was replaced by concern, and he didn't catch the burned look on Paige's face.

"Do you want me to drive you?" he asked quickly. Ellie shook her head.

"I'll walk home." With that, she was gone, leaving Marco very confused, and Paige with an ever growing feeling of nausea in her stomach. Alex was sitting back in her chair silently with a knowing expression on her face.

"That was weird, she's been talking about this movie all week," Marco mused. "We can still catch it though."

"Marco, could you just… take me home please?" Paige asked quietly. Alex looked at her solemnly, and Paige knew that she understood what was going on now. Marco nodded, finally seeming to grasp the fact that there was something going on that he couldn't quite grasp.

"Sure, Paige. Uh, I'll see you later, Alex." The brunette nodded, remaining still in her chair, arms crossed. Paige remembered that she did that to make herself feel more secure and protected. Great, she'd managed to hurt both Ellie and Alex all in one night. Why hadn't anyone told her that the shame parade was making its way through Toronto tonight?

-----------------------------

It was almost midnight when Paige heard the front door close quietly. She was up in her bedroom, merely staring at the wall when the noise startled her so much that she nearly fell off of her bed. Footsteps followed, all the way up the stairs, and Paige reached her doorway just in time to see Ellie walking into her room. They needed to talk this through. Paige needed to explain herself, to apologize. She hated feeling like this.

"Ellie…" The redhead stopped, but didn't turn around. Her shoulders sagged as though she'd anticipated this, but had been hoping that it wouldn't happen. "Ellie, please, can we talk?" The girl in question turned around slowly, raising her eyes to meet Paige's, and the blonde could see the hurt in them that Ellie had managed to cover up in the theater.

"You lied to me, Paige. There's no explanation for that, no good reason, and no excuse. Unless you were planning on giving me details of your date, we have nothing to talk about." Ellie disappeared into her darkened room and shut the door so softly that Paige almost wished she'd slammed it shut.

Paige stood there, staring at Ellie's closed door, making every valiant effort to choke back the lump in her throat and prevent the tears from falling. Try as she might, silent drops made their way down her cheeks, splashing into the carpet as she turned to go to bed, even though she knew she would get no sleep tonight.

**Urg, I HATE when my characters fight. –sigh- Guess I shouldn't have brought Alex back if I didn't want them to fight though, huh? Anyway, let me know what you guys think. And I just want to take the time out to say that SOUTH OF NOWHERE ROCKS! Actually, that's not what I was gonna say. I was going to say that if there's anything in particular that you guys would like to see come out of this, or any characters you want to show up, or anything like that, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease tell me. I love suggestions with all my little red heart. I'll try to have the next chapter up soon guys!**

**Liquefied cheese products, Alex? I think not. It's TexasWatermelon that hits the spot.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay, so I was thinking the other day and I have a question for you guys. At the end of "Don't You Want Me? Part 2", Paige and Alex have that little moment where Alex explains that Chad's back, and Paige says she'll be there to help her out and they go off to dance, ect. But my question is… are they actually back together at that point? I mean, were they broken up in the episode, or were they just kind of pissed off at each other? And if they were broken up, did the winter formal or whatever that was signify them getting back together? I don't know, you tell me.**

Alex was right: whoever decided that the sun should be so goddamn bright in the morning was an idiot. This was Paige's first thought as some invisible force threw her curtains open the next morning. She squinted, looking up at the source of the disturbance. Nope, not an invisible force. Just an annoying one named Marco.

"Rise and shine, princess," he said, turning to face her with a grin. Paige groaned and pulled the covers over her head. Not satisfied with this reaction, Marco jumped on her bed and pulled them back down.

"Jesus, Marco, it's Sunday. I don't have to work today. Leave me alone," Paige snapped, shooting him an icy blue glare.

"Actually sweetie, it's Tuesday." This earned another groan from Paige. "You still don't have to work today, though. After last night I figured you could use a day off, so I called in sick for you."

"Then why the hell are you waking me up?" Paige asked grumpily. Marco grinned.

"Because it's already ten and I refuse to let you slip back into your previous depressed patterns," he replied. Paige turned her head to look at the clock by her bed.

"That still only puts my total sleep time at three hours," she pointed out. It was true, she'd barely slept at all the night before. She didn't even begin dozing off until after four, and even then dreams of Ellie and Alex attacking her with vats of molten cheese product kept her awake half of the time. A mixture of nausea and tears kept her up the other half. With a sigh, Marco laid down next to her and she rested her head against his shoulder.

"Do you want to tell me exactly what happened last night?"

"I was an idiot and lied to my girlfriend," Paige responded quickly.

"I gathered that much," Marco said, rolling his eyes. "But why?" This time it was Paige's turn to sigh.

"I don't know. I guess I was just worried that Ellie would get angry with me or jealous, or even forbid it. I just thought it would be easier on her if she didn't know I was going to see Alex," she explained.

"A word of advice from someone who's been there?" Paige nodded for him to continue. "If you had just told her what you were doing in the first place, you would have been much better off. Trust me, I know Ellie, and I know that she understands that you and Alex have a history and that you guys will want to catch up. Sure, she might have been a little worried, who wouldn't? But at least she wouldn't have been hurt and pissed off."

"Yeah, I know," Paige agreed. "But I tried to talk to her last night and to apologize and she still wouldn't hear me out."

"Can you blame her?" Marco asked, and Paige glared at him. "Seriously, look at it from her point of view. She walks in and sees you and your ex-girlfriend there having a grand old time together and feels betrayed. It's not even the fact that you were with Alex, it's the fact that you felt like you needed to hide it from her. That leads her to believe that you may have had _other_ plans with Alex for the night."

"I didn't!" Paige exclaimed, sitting straight up to look down at him seriously.

"I'm not saying that you did, but who's to say you won't after spending more time with Alex? It's not like you guys had any closure, she just kind of up and left. And the more you lie about it, the more suspicious it's going to seem, and the more reasons Ellie's going to have not to trust you," Marco pointed out. Paige groaned and flopped back down.

"What do I do?" she asked.

"Suck up a little, but not in person. Give her some time to cool down and come to you. When she does, grovel. Think you can handle that?"

"It's Ellie," Paige said, turning to look at him. "I have to."

-----------------------------

The front door shut quietly and Ellie stopped, listening hard. It didn't seem like anyone was home. Good, she wasn't in the mood for company. She was grumpy and exhausted and had a ton of homework to do for her morning class, which she had absolutely no idea what was about because she hadn't been paying one bit of attention. With a sigh she threw her bag on the couch and went into the kitchen for a much needed pitcher of coffee. Actually, maybe she could just eat the bag of beans, that way the caffeine would be less diluted.

However, it seemed that _someone_ was on her side today, because there was already a large cup of coffee on the kitchen table, still steaming as far as she could tell. Ellie looked at it curiously as she walked closer. Beside it was a plate of what appeared to be chocolate chip cookies. Eyebrow raised, Ellie picked up a small note written in black Sharpie and read it suspiciously.

_They say the best way to a journalist's heart is through a good cup of coffee._

_(I figured the cookies couldn't hurt)_

_Paige_

Despite the fact that she had by no means forgiven Paige (yet), Ellie couldn't help but smile a little. She took a cookie and her coffee and made her way upstairs. Screw homework, she needed a nap. Just as she was about to enter her room, she stopped. Part of the reason for her lack of sleep last night (besides the fact that she was an emotional wreck) was due to the fact that she was so used to sleeping next to Paige that not having her there made it nearly impossible to sleep. Maybe sleeping in Paige's bed would help. This in mind, Ellie opened Paige's door and walked in.

It seemed that the redhead was not as alone as she thought, because Paige's bed was already occupied by the blonde herself. Ellie stood for several minutes watching her sleep. If Paige had the same kind of night that she had, Ellie figured she deserved the rest. Still, she too could use some sleep, and she still intended to get it in Paige's bed. Mind made up, Ellie set her coffee and half-eaten cookie on the dresser and walked towards the bed. She pulled the covers back for a brief moment to crawl under them. Once settled, she turned to face a peacefully sleeping Paige and smiled a bit, tucking a stray piece of hair behind Paige's ear. The blonde's eyes drifted open sleepily and confusion washed over her face.

"Ellie?" she asked, as though she thought she might be dreaming. When she was convinced that it was real, she launched into sleepy apologies. "Ellie, I'm so sorry for last night, I—" She was silenced by Ellie's lips upon her own for several seconds.

"It's okay, Paige. Just go back to sleep. We can talk about it when we wake up," Ellie assured her when they pulled away. Paige smiled and snuggled in closer, letting Ellie wrap her arms around her. They were asleep within minutes.

-----------------------------

Several hours later, Paige awoke to find the bed next to her empty. She looked around fearfully, and just when she was beginning to think it had all been a dream, Ellie walked in holding a fresh mug of hot coffee. Paige sighed with relief and sat up, offering the redhead a smile. Ellie handed her coffee to Paige and situated herself on the bed before taking it back.

"Sorry, my coffee went cold. I had to get some more," she explained, and Paige nodded in understanding. They sat in a slightly uncomfortable silence for some minutes before Paige finally sighed.

"I guess one of us should start talking," she said. Ellie looked at her skeptically. "You're right, I should start. Ellie, I don't know what I was thinking. I was a complete idiot for no reason. But then again, since when do I need a reason to be stupid, right?" Ellie chuckled at this and shook her head. "I guess I thought that you would think there was something going on if you knew I was going out with Alex, but now I realize that lying made it seem more like that than if I'd just told you in the first place. I'm sorry, El."

"I know," Ellie assured her. "But Paige, I've never given you any reason to think that you would have to hide something from me. I get that it's Alex, and that you're going to want to talk to her and see how her life's been. I won't try to stop you from doing that; that would be like telling me I can't talk to Craig if he suddenly shows up one day."

"Which I would never do," Paige interrupted quickly.

"Exactly. So if you want to talk to Alex, talk to Alex. Just don't lie to me."

"I won't," Paige swore. "I promise."

"Good," Ellie grinned. "Now shut up and kiss me." Paige smirked and moved in to oblige.

-----------------------------

Dinner (which Paige and Ellie had barely pulled themselves out of bed and gotten dressed to attend) was interrupted by a loud knock at the door. Ellie jumped up from her chair, offering to answer it. She flung the door open, grin still on her face from the crack that Dylan had just made about Marco's cooking. When her eyes landed on the person standing on the doorstep, the grin quickly faded.

"Ellie," Alex said, fidgeting slightly. "Good, I was actually hoping to talk to you." Ellie just stared at her, not making any great haste to extend an invite, and Alex didn't dare enter without one. "Look, I'm really sorry about what happened last night. I honestly didn't know that Paige didn't tell you." Ellie raised an eyebrow, knowing her girlfriend all too well to know that there must have been some indication. Paige did not lie well if her heart wasn't in it, and Ellie had been amazed that she'd pulled off the lie in the first place. "Okay, I kind of suspected it with how weird she was acting, but if I'd known for sure, I wouldn't have taken her out. I don't want to step on anyone's toes here."

The look in Alex's eyes told Ellie that she was being genuine, so after a few seconds of agonizing scrutiny, she finally nodded. Alex's shoulders dropped, and she looked relieved, though she didn't seem to want Ellie to know that she was nervous in the first place.

"You hungry? I think we're just getting ready to brave tasting Marco's attempt at homemade Italian dessert," Ellie offered.

"I heard that!" Marco yelled from the kitchen. Alex grinned and stepped over the threshold as Ellie moved aside. The two entered the kitchen and Paige looked at Ellie skeptically, but at a look from the redhead offered Alex a cheerful greeting. Tonight was a good night, and none of them were going to let anything change that.

"God Marco," Alex said, scrunching her face up in disgust as she tasted the dessert, "haven't you learned to leave the cooking to mother by now?" Marco tossed the remnants of his canoli at her and she ducked. A messy food fight ensued, and by the end of the night they were all covered dessert. It was just like old times. For now, anyway.

**The end.**

**Ha, just kidding. I still have plenty of drama for you guys! But I'm one of those happy ending kind of people, so I couldn't have them fighting in the last chapter and then not have them make up in this one. I think it would have been physically impossible for me.**

**Right, so I got this idea for another story today and I want you guys to tell me what you think. Actually, I'll just show you exactly what I wrote down on my little piece of paper.**

**Title: **_Hum Halleluiah_

**Summary: **_College brings on a lot of changes, but Darcy never expected sexual orientation to be one of them. Can she choose between God and the girl she loves, or will her life fall to shambles before her eyes?_

**Now, there are two ways I can go about this. One idea was to bring in the lovely Spencer Carlin from South of Nowhere to be Darcy's love interest. If I do that, here are the details:**

_Spencer can't work it out with Ash, grief from Clay, moves to Toronto to pursue a new life, studies humanities in college to become a school counselor, meets Darcy in a religion class (by the way, I don't know if Darcy and Spencer would actually be of the same age because I can't for the life of me figure out what the hell grade Darcy is in, but for the sake of this fic they would both be freshmen in college)_

_-the two become friends_

_-Darcy learns that Spencer's a lesbian and doesn't take it well, priest/pastor/whatever makes her reconsider_

_-Darcy falls for Spencer: __DENIAL__, inner turmoil, family conflict_

_-Ash shows up at some point (because she's Ash and that's what she does and she has all this money and nothing better to do with it than fly out to TO to visit her ex)_

_-Chaos ensues_

**So, I mentioned that there were ****two**** ways to go about this. I'm not sure how well the whole Spencer/Darcy thing would work out, so if it doesn't sound like a good idea, I could just throw in an original character that I made up (her name is Abby Bronson, I use her for EVERYTHING that I can), but I really think it would be interesting to do the SoN/Degrassi crossover. Anyways, I'm done now. Let me know what you guys think about it and if you like the idea, I will get started on it, but it won't be posted until this story is finished because God knows I'll never finish this one if I start a new one. Right, I'm out y'all.**

**TexasWatermelon is suffering from cotton mouth due to all the rambling she just did. Please return at another time.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Ah! I feel soooooo terrible for taking this long. Unfortunately, I just couldn't figure out what to do with this chapter, and every time I tried to come up with something, Sparcy (that's Spencer/Darcy, not Spinner) kept popping into my head. But as promised, I'm not going to start work on that until this is finished. Plus, school has been piling work on me like it's gonna be illegal in a few days, but you'll see a little of my resentment at that in this chapter. Oh, and you guys will probably hate me at the end of this, or you'll hate Paige and me by extension, but you'll just have to deal. Trust me, Palex fans will be appeased soon. Anyway, without further ado… Oh, and if you're interested, I'll have a whole Best Years/SoN/New season of Degrassi rant at the end of this chapter. Have fun!**

Paige was stubborn. Obviously that wasn't news to anyone, but her stubbornness was being a pain in Alex's ass at the moment. The blonde was still a little indignant, not that Alex was back per se, but that she was around and Alex-like as though nothing had ever happened. Paige still wanted to be mad at her for leaving, and it would have been a whole lot easier had Alex been a bitch, or been depressed, or been in any way changed for the worse because of the Peace Corps. This was not the case, however, and if anything Alex was livelier than ever now that she had finally found something fulfilling to do with her life. The result of this mix was a hot/cold torrent of mood swings in Alex's direction, and she never knew how the blonde was going to act towards her from one moment to the next.

Luckily, Ellie seemed to be on Alex's side for whatever reason, and was generally able to talk Paige down when she got particularly pissed off at the brunette. Still, Ellie wasn't always around, and Alex had to learn to defend herself once more from the onslaught of Paige Michalchuk insults. After being out of practice for so long, it wasn't easy. All she really wanted was for things to go back to normal. Then again, if she considered it fully, they sort of were. Except for one tiny little change: Pellie.

It seemed ridiculous to Alex that she should call them that, but the two were so entwined that one rolled right into the other, and it was hardly easy to separate the two. Both had taken on elements of the other, bringing out finer points in their personalities and accenting the ones already established. And really, it wasn't as though Alex wasn't happy for them both. Ellie wasn't a loner like she was back in high school, and even though Marco told stories of Paige's long, hard depression after she left, Alex could find no trace of it now. But truth be told, Alex was in love with Paige still, or perhaps again, and she couldn't help but feel that perhaps things wouldn't truly be right until she and Paige were together. However, Paige made it perfectly clear that she was with Ellie. Alex wasn't sure if it was a conscious thing, but every time she entered the room, Paige felt the need to connect with some part of Ellie, almost as if to send a message that she was taken, claimed. Perhaps Alex was reading too much into this, but it didn't make her any less jealous and try as she might, she just couldn't seem to quell that jealousy and prevent herself from taking small action.

But for now, Alex was sick. One would think that after traveling to so many third world countries with little to no hygiene and a multitude of diseases that no human tongue could pronounce, a simple cold wouldn't be able to knock someone out like an elephant tranquilizer, but Alex was down for the count. She chalked it up to the extreme change in climate (going from Africa to Toronto was not easy on the body) and allergies. Thankfully though, it seemed as though Paige was in a fairly good mood this week… so far anyway.

"Here you go, hon," Paige said, offering Alex a mug of hot tea with extra honey. Alex hadn't asked for it, but Paige still knew what she liked.

"Thanks," Alex said, sniffing a bit. Even the smell of it made her feel better and helped to clear up her stuffy nose. She took a small sip, sighing as the hot liquid warmed her up. Paige took a seat at the end of the couch where Alex was all bundled up in sweatshirts (old Banting ones borrowed from Paige) and blankets.

"You sure you're alright here until Marco or Ellie gets home?" Paige checked. She had a shift at The Dot to get to, and as much as she would have loved to take off, she really needed to be saving up for the fall term.

"Yes Mom, I'm fine," Alex shot, rolling her eyes. Paige glared, flicking her in the ear. "Ow!" The blonde gave a satisfactory smirk.

"Now, your Sudafed is right here, take it every six hours, and if you have any trouble, you know everyone's cell phone. You'd better be in one piece when I get back," she warned.

"Well if you stop abusing me I might be," Alex told her. Paige grinned and leaned in to give Alex a quick kiss on the cheek. The brunette was a bit surprised, and she thought she might have seen regret on Paige's face for a few seconds when the blonde pulled away, but it was gone before it could be confirmed.

"Okay, I'll see you later tonight," Paige said, standing up, and before Alex could say anything she was out the door. The brunette sighed, sinking into the couch. Just when things got good, they always ended up ten times worse. She wondered if one thing in her life could ever just be simple, but as she breathed in the scent of Paige from her sweatshirt, she remembered that nothing was ever simple when dealing with the matter of Michalchuks.

--------------------------------

Ellie was tired. Exams were coming up in two weeks, and her professors weren't being very generous to the students. It seemed that she had more essays to write than she actually had enough paper for, and she was hard pressed to find any inspiration or will to write them. She was tired of Jesse, who had suddenly decided that she was his star reporter and wanted her to have a new assignment almost every day. She was tired of Paige being immensely clingy and moody, and tired of Alex being the source of that attitude.

It was slightly awkward having Alex around so much now. It wasn't as though Ellie wanted her to go away, but she couldn't help feeling like she was intruding on some non-existent relationship between the two of them. Ellie wondered if there wasn't some unwritten law that she shouldn't have to feel like she was stepping on someone else's toes when she made love to her own girlfriend. She knew she was probably being a bit ridiculous, and her mood wasn't the greatest of late, but things seemed so much simpler when Alex wasn't around. Screw history, she and Paige had their own history to build. Was it wrong to be jealous of something that wasn't even there?

These were the thoughts that plagued Ellie's mind as she came home from class one afternoon, several days after Alex and Paige's awkward departure, to find the brunette sleeping soundly on the couch. It seemed as though she was getting better, and she admitted that she was feeling much more like herself. Ellie was glad, but she felt guilty that her gladness came less from that fact that Alex was recovering and more from the fact that she wouldn't be around so much.

Ellie plopped down in the arm chair across from the couch, gazing at the requirements for her latest civics essay. The effects of current events on the human populace was not something that she knew very much about, nor was it able to hold her interest for long. She was saved from having to look think about it for too long though as Alex was thrown into a small coughing fit. Ellie jumped slightly at the noise, but recovered quickly, running to the kitchen to get some water. When she returned, she found Alex sitting up to catch her breath.

"Here," Ellie said, tossing her the water. Alex caught it and drank some down, sighing when she finished.

"Thanks," she said, her voice slightly hoarse. Ellie nodded. "More essays?" Ellie nodded once more, grimacing at her paper as she tossed it aside. "Yeah, I never would have survived in college. God knows I barely made it through high school." Ellie grinned.

"It's not that bad, it's just that finals are coming up, and my professors seem to think that large essays will help to improve my chances at getting good marks. I'm not sure where their logic comes from, but they're the ones with the degree, so I guess I have to do what they tell me to," she explained. Alex nodded and laid back down on the couch, and Ellie resigned herself to the fact that she would have to try to come up with a good position for her essay once more. She was so lost in thought, and it was silent for so long that she figured that Alex had fallen back asleep, and so was surprised when the brunette spoke.

"Is it weird, me being here?" Alex asked softly. Ellie jumped once more, dropping her paper. It was only after she'd picked it back up that she realized that Alex had actually asked her a question, one that she didn't really understand. Alex must have seen the confusion on her face, because she clarified. "I mean, with you and Paige together now and me just kind of here all the time, I just wondered if it was weird, or if it was a problem. I don't want it to be weird." Ellie took a few moments to decide how to answer.

"It's a little weird sometimes," she admitted finally. Alex seemed slightly crestfallen. "I look at you two and I see the chemistry that you have, even as friends, and I wonder if Paige and I have that. Even when she furious with you, you're all she talks about. You could do almost anything and she'd still find way to forgive you eventually. I know you guys have your history, and probably even some unfinished business, and sometimes I feel like I'm getting in the way of that. Sometimes I wonder if I won't end up getting hurt, or if I wasn't just something to keep her occupied until you came back. But I trust Paige enough to believe that she would do her best to break my heart as painlessly as possible, if nothing else. It's always weird with exes, Alex, but it's something that people just have to learn to deal with, especially if you're going to be here for a while."

As Alex seemed to ponder everything that Ellie said, the redhead wondered if perhaps she hadn't said too much. She was a bit surprised at herself for voicing things that had been bottled up ever since she and Paige had gotten together, and to Alex of all people. Did she really believe that Paige would leave her for Alex? She decided that she didn't really want to think about it anymore. Suddenly the essay seemed much more appealing that sitting downstairs talking to Alex.

"Look, I'm going to go see if I can't get a head start on this essay, so if you need anything…" She decided that Alex could handle herself and made a speedy exit upstairs, leaving Alex's head full of Ellie's words, wondering exactly what they could mean.

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A few days later, and Alex was finally recovered from her cold and feeling much better for all of her down time. So much better, in fact, that when Paige came home from a morning shift at The Dot, she found Alex cleaning. Paige couldn't actually remember ever seeing Alex clean, but she wasn't really a messy person either. She suspected that Alex was the type that liked to clean when no one else was around so that she could do her own thing without having to worry about people getting in her way or vise versa. The brunette was just finishing tidying up the living room when Paige came in.

"Uh, wait a second, I must have stepped into the wrong universe," Paige said, looking at Alex as though she had three heads. Alex chuckled and shook her head.

"I wanted to clean up the huge mess I left from my long vegetation period. I'm done now though. Want to have a seat?" she asked. Paige nodded, still looking a bit suspicious. She followed Alex to the couch and sat down.

"I must say, Miss Nunez, when you decide to clean, you go all out. I don't think I've ever actually seen this coffee table without an inch of dust on it," she commented. Alex shrugged.

"Sometimes all you need is a little motivation. Besides, I've seen your car. You weren't going to get to it any time soon," she grinned. Paige scoffed, hitting her with a pillow.

"I resent that statement!" she exclaimed.

"Why, because it's true?"

"Oh, that's it, I'm telling Marco to make his lasagna tonight," Paige threatened. Alex looked horrified.

"Okay, I give. Anything to keep Marco from cooking. I just got over an illness, remember?" Paige laughed. "Speaking of that," Alex said, becoming serious again, "I wanted to thank you for taking care of me." Paige smiled.

"No problem, hon." Alex gazed into her eyes for a moment, feeling reminded of the night of the movie premier when she and Paige had gone to her house and stayed for drinks at Paige's insistence. She couldn't remember feeling so nervous in her entire life. Now, as she leaned in to kiss Paige, it felt natural. Only this time, Paige pulled back.

"Alex," Paige whispered, looking disappointed at her, "why don't you get it? I'm with Ellie now." Alex sighed, feeling slightly angry at herself. She should have known better. The best thing to do would be to apologize, to try to fix the situation before it got worse, but her frustration was coming out and it was directed at Paige.

"Yeah, I'm still trying to figure out how that happened," she said. Paige raised an eyebrow. "Last time I checked, you two could barely even stand each other half the time, and the other half you didn't talk to each other." Paige's blue eyes flared with anger, and Alex realized that she'd made a mistake, but it was too late now to go back.

"Well maybe if you'd been around, you'd know how it happened," Paige shot.

"Oh, so you're punishing me for following my dreams?" Alex retaliated.

"This isn't punishment, Alex!" Paige exclaimed, standing up. "This isn't even about you. You chose your life, and I chose to go on with mine. I'm sorry if you expected me to be waiting in suspended motion exactly where you left me, but I wasn't. Ellie was there and a friend… and then she became more." Alex was disheartened and losing steam, but she still had one last shot to take.

"Do you even love her?" she asked quietly, a hint of malice in her voice. Paige looked taken aback by the question, and Alex could see her trying to figure out not only how to answer it, but what the answer actually was. And truthfully, Paige didn't know if she loved Ellie. But what she did know was that this was neither the time nor place to be trying to decide such important matters. Mind made up with a response, her eyes narrowed and she made one last statement before walking away.

"It doesn't matter," she said coldly. "Because I _don't_ love you."

**Ouch. I've actually had that part written out for a while, but I couldn't find a place to put it. So… unless the new season of Degrassi hits me with some major inspiration, it may take me a little while before I figure out what I want to do with the next chapter. You have been warned. Okay, rant time.**

**Best Years Season Finale (SPOILERS): HELLO, KATHRYN BETTER EFFING COME BACK!!! And I love Noah so much. He and Kath would be perrrrrfect for each other in that total opposite kind of way. And now that Kathryn actually has a personality, she needs to get her ass back to CU. And I SO called the Samantha being related to Dorothy thing, even though I thought she was her daughter. Still, Sam/Alicia next best pairing. I swear it. And Sam just needs to ditch Trent. He's hot, but I'm done with him, the coke head. Fin.**

**SoN (MORE SPOILERS): Okay, who here thought that Paula and Ashley was the FUNNIEST thing they've ever seen? Fricking hilarious. Kyla can go to hell, if she ends up getting raped, it's her own damn fault (to a degree) for being a pill popping ho. And Aiden needs to stop whining. OH MY GOD, RAINCOAT CLICHÉ HOTTEST THING ON TELEVISION YET! I think my jaw dropped when Spencer's coat hit the floor. Jesus. Who here thinks Chelsea and Glen/Aiden are gonna hook up? Fin.**

**Degrassi Season Seven Premier (EVEN MORE SPOILERS): October 5****th**** is like my life right now. I'm so excited. I also find it strangely hilarious that Heather Sinclair's sister is going to be on the show, but that she goes to Lakehurst and not Degrassi when her sister has gone to Degrassi forever. How does that work out? So, The-Seth from The-N(dotcom) was kind enough to divulge some spoilers, cryptic as they may be. I'm going to present some of them to you. If you don't want to know, don't read. He says:**

**One of Degrassi's most historic relationships comes to an end. My guess Darco. Sorry, guys.**

**Also, someone receives a diagnosis that changes their life forever. I've talked to some people, and some think it's AIDS. I'm not so sure on that, nor do I know who it could be. Although, now that I think of it, it could have something to do with Jimmy and his non-walkingness. Like maybe he'll be able to again. Ideas?**

**Something happens to someone that already happened to someone else at Degrassi who hoped that no one else would have to experience it. These were Seth's words, but if you think about it, Paige's rape sounds very likely. My vote's on Darcy, which will break my heart, but you know…**

**Everyone at Degrassi dies. Okay, not really, but Manny's hair turns blonde, which is basically the same thing. Ha, again, these are Seth's words. And Manny's hair is hideous.**

**Jesse and Ellie get back together, but then Jesse screws it up by tonguing the last person we'd expect. And according to Seth, the LAST person. So I'm guessing Paige is out. Hm… I really can't take any guesses at that one. Ideas?**

**Toby? Still not getting any. Please, like we thought he would.**

**Oh, and someone voluntarily dates Jay. WTF?**

**If any of you have any spoilers that you KNOW to be true, or any speculations on the ones that Seth put out, please feel free to place them in your comment. I am a spoiler whore. Okay, we're fin. Comment, and I'll try to get my brain to work for another chapter.**

**Nothing can spoil TexasWatermelon… not even spoilers**


	11. Chapter 11

**Heyyy y'all, what's good? So, I debated long and hard about how I wanted to proceed with this chapter, and this is what I came up with. It's a little heavy, but that's because I'll be dragging us down into the darker parts of the fic. I have officially planted the seed of… well, you'll see.**

There was perhaps something quite formidable about the end of a school term. Not that one didn't generally enjoy not having to go to class every day and being free of endless homework, but school provided a distraction. It served as an excuse to ignore the things in life that you just didn't want to deal with. It concealed everything that had been going wrong for months, but that you just didn't have time to notice. Summer gave you time to yourself and your friends, but it also brought on spells of boredom and depression. And as Ellie Nash knew well, time without school often led to things going very awry.

Still, University was letting out for the summer, and Ellie had been through too much hell preparing for exams and sitting through them to try to postpone that process (not that it would have been anyway). She was glad for the break, but she couldn't help feeling that a summer full of Paige and Alex had the potential to be worse than grueling college work. The two were like five year olds: at each other's throats one day and best friends the next. As much as Ellie was leery of Alex and Paige getting close again, the tiffs between the two were almost enough to make her want to push Paige back into Alex's arms. It never failed that after a fight with Alex, Paige would follow a cycle of insane frustration (usually with rants at Ellie's expense), followed by angry sex (the only part that Ellie didn't really mind so much, save the bruises she found in the morning), followed by unrelenting moodiness until one of the two finally swallowed their pride and apologized. Alex and Paige seemed to thrive off of the cycle, but quite frankly, it was wearing Ellie down.

Now happened to be one of the times that Paige and Alex were fighting. Ellie wasn't sure what had been said, but aside from sniping at each other across the kitchen some mornings, the two weren't speaking. Alex had gotten over her cold at a prime time it seemed, because Paige was pissed enough to consider poisoning her tea at this point, had she still been taking refuge on their couch. She had finally moved out though, back to her mom's place (where Chad was thankfully no longer a resident). Despite the fact that she knew better than to get into the explosion that was Alex and Paige's friendship, Ellie was still somewhat curious as to what had caused the argument this time. Both women seemed to be less angry and slightly more wounded. The redhead had a small feeling that there might be cause for worry, but let it go anyway. Hopefully they'd be back to normal in a few days.

It happened that today was Ellie's last day of class, and on top of that her last day at the paper as well for three fantastic months. Jesse was graduating this year, an event that he'd requested she attend. He had gotten an offer to write for a local webzine, and Ellie was greatly excited for him. There was one thing, however, that he had yet to do, and in Ellie's opinion (and everyone else at the paper who wasn't graduating), it was his most important job as a graduating editor. There was a general expectation among the staff that on his last day, Jesse would name his successor as editor. So far, he had yet to even mention the issue. As she entered the building, Ellie wondered if he even had anyone in mind.

"Hey Jesse," she greeted him, plopping down in her chair. He looked up, swiping a piece of hair out of his eyes, and grinned.

"Hey Frosh," he said. Ellie rolled her eyes. She was far from the girl that he'd given that nickname at the beginning of the year. Still a bit clumsy, but she'd left her fumbling Freshman ways behind her several months ago. Besides, she was practically a Sophomore at this point, but she figured that Jesse wouldn't stop calling her that even if she did point these things out to him.

"So, last day, huh?" Ellie pointed out blatantly. "You excited?"

"I guess," Jesse shrugged. "It'll be weird not being here any more." Ellie snorted.

"Please, you'll be back in here driving us all nuts next year, trying to tell whoever the editor is what to do." She wondered if her not so subtle hints were having any effect. If they were, he gave no sign, merely shook his head with a rueful smile and wheeled his chair over to the collaborating table.

"Okay guys, get over here," he called. The bright conversation around the room stalled as everyone took their seats at the table, Ellie included. "Now, I'm not much for big sappy goodbyes, or any goodbyes at all for that matter, so let me just say thanks. This was a damn good year, and though most of you guys dedicated yourselves to making my job as difficult as possible, I think we always made an effort to produce the best piece of journalistic abilities we could. So, that said, we're going to order some pizza and slack off like the lazy asses we are."

There was a cheer from around the table as people applauded Jesse's little speech. Ellie clapped too, but there was a look of confusion on her face that matched sever others in the room. There seemed to be an unspoken expectation that Jesse had missed a part of his speech, that he would remember his obligation to assign a new editor and get right on it. However, half an hour later, over pizza and laughter, he still hadn't said a word about it. So after everyone was finished eating and people were making preparations to leave, Ellie was slightly relieved when one girl finally spoke up.

"Hey Jesse, you still haven't told us who you've chosen to be editor next year." Jesse looked around the room, his face passive, but with a knowing glint in his eye.

"I haven't decided yet," he said blankly. "Have a great summer guys." And with that he grabbed his keys and left the room. Ellie was stunned.

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Paige was not a reader. This was a fact that she freely admitted, and one that most people who'd met her knew just by looking at her. Of course, there were a few select books that she enjoyed, all of which she kept on a small bookshelf in her room. They were time honored classics that had spoken to her during high school, and that still held some semblance of meaning to this day. And why go out looking for new books when the old ones served their purpose just fine? Her philosophy on this had yet to fail her. So it wasn't surprising that when Manny ran into Paige at the local bookstore (where she herself was looking through books to give her some choreography ideas for the end of the year Spirit Squad competition), she had to look twice to make sure she was seeing things correctly.

"Paige?" she asked curiously, walking towards the blonde (she was now a fantastically violent shade of blonde herself). Granted, she and Paige hadn't had the best of relationships in high school, but after almost a year of not seeing her, Manny was good enough to put the past behind her.

"Manny, hey," Paige said, looking up from the book she had previously been engrossed in. The girls shared a quick hug, more out of reflex than anything, before backing away. "What's up?"

"Not much, I was just surprised to see you in here. I didn't figure you for much of a reader when you were at Degrassi," Manny explained. Paige laughed.

"I wasn't, really. I'm getting ready to go to the school of fashion and design here in Toronto next semester, so I wanted to get some reading done over the summer," she said. Manny raised an eyebrow.

"Really? That's great! Are you excited?"

"Yeah, definitely. You're graduating in a few weeks, aren't you?" Paige asked. Manny nodded.

"Yep. I haven't really decided on a major yet, but it'll be weird enough not living in the drama filled world of Degrassi anymore," she said with a sigh. Paige grinned.

"Trust me, it's not so bad." As she said this, she thought of her and Alex not having to hide their relationship or worry about what others thought about them. Whatever delusion that caused her to think this quickly died away, leaving her only with a horrible pang of guilt for substituting Alex for Ellie in her mind. What was wrong with her? Maybe it was just a slip up.

"Are you okay?" Manny was asking just as Paige was pulling herself out of her own mind. She nodded absentmindedly.

"Yeah, just Degrassi nostalgia," she lied. "Listen, I've got to get going, but it was good seeing you again. Tell Darcy and the rest of the squad hi for me."

"I will," Manny said faintly, brow burrowed in confusion as Paige breezed past her to pay for her books and bolted out of the store.

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Slugs were disgusting creatures. Not really classified as insects because they had no legs, all they did was slither around with their fat, slimy bodies at an annoyingly slow pace, getting absolutely nothing accomplished, leaving a trail of sticky residue wherever they went. Alex was not a slug, but being back in Canada made her feel like one. She was so used to always having something to do, some assignment to take care of, some person to feed or give comfort to every day. Now, she had nothing. Her friends were perfectly capable of taking care of things on their own, and half the time her best friend wasn't even speaking to her. Even her mom had managed to get back on her feet during her absence. It seemed like the whole world had been put on fast forward while she was gone, and Alex had been hoping that it would pause, or at least record for her. Now it seemed the only person that needed taking care of was her.

The truth was, she hadn't been able to sleep for months. One night of waking up with an Indonesian militia man's gun in her face had been enough to put the kibosh on her deep dozes for the rest of her life. Watching men, women and children get slaughtered by their own leaders was all it took to give her nightmares. She loved her job, and she wasn't complaining, but this life had taken a toll on her already, and fighting with Paige the way that she did wasn't any help.

Sitting at the kitchen table in Marco's house with her face nestled in her arms, she couldn't help but question why Paige was pushing her away so badly. True, she'd made a mistake in attempting to kiss the blonde. She should have known better, and had she been in Paige's position she probably would have reacted badly as well. But could she really be blamed for wanting things to go back to the way they were? If she hadn't left for the Peace Corps, she felt certain that she and Paige would have gotten back together. Did that make it her fault? Was Paige punishing her? Or had she really moved on to someone else, someone better? Alex liked Ellie well enough, and she didn't want the redhead to get hurt in all of this, but she wanted Paige, and she had a feeling that Paige's rejection was only an attempt to quell the feelings that the blonde still had for her as well. If it came down to it, Alex would fight for her girl, plain and simple.

At the sound of footsteps entering the kitchen, Alex's head snapped up and she stopped all train of thought involving Paige, Ellie, and anything else, almost as though she were afraid that the intruder might read her thoughts. She was slightly surprised to see that it was Paige, looking at disheveled and exhausted appearance with a raised eyebrow. The blonde herself looked a bit odd, but Alex decided not to ask if anything was wrong. As far as she knew, Paige was still angry with her. The blonde curbed this suspicion though when she poured herself a cup of coffee and plopped down across from Alex at the table.

"Hey," she said quietly. Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Hey yourself." She was still a bit cautious. She didn't have nearly enough energy to fight another battle today.

"You look like hell. Everything okay?" Paige asked. Alex smirked at her tactlessness.

"Yeah, just tired. Living in hostile territory for the better part of three months doesn't exactly lead to exquisite sleeping patterns," she explained. Paige nodded.

"That makes sense. It probably gets pretty bad out there sometimes, eh?" Alex shrugged, not wanting Paige to feel like she was searching for pity, but glad for amicable conversation.

"It depends on the area. But anytime we can make even the smallest difference, it's worth it. So I don't complain much." Paige sighed and Alex suspected that an apology was in lieu.

"Alex… I don't know how we always manage to go so wrong. One of these days I think I might try to get rid of this insane exploding temper I seem to get with you," Paige said. Alex smiled ruefully.

"I hope not. If you do, that means I'm not doing my job right anymore," she pointed out. Paige chuckled and threw a balled up piece of paper at her before sobering up.

Meanwhile, Ellie was just coming down the stairs, having decided to change into sweats as a celebration of her last day. She stopped just behind the doorway when she heard Alex and Paige talking, not wanting to interrupt the peace treaty that was hopefully being signed.

"I'm sorry for what I said," Paige was saying seriously. "I didn't mean to be so harsh. The thing is, Alex… I did love you. I wasn't sure how to say it, or if there was even a chance that we could make it work. And then you left, and it was like someone took a cookie cutter to my heart and removed the biggest piece. I was barely even a person. And then Ellie came along, for whatever strange reason, with this article she had to do for the paper and it was like I had a chance to fill that space up again. I just need you to understand that things are finally good again, and that I'm really happy. And if you could be happy for me, without any interference, that would be great."

Alex sighed, and though Ellie felt a little bad for her, she couldn't help but smile. Paige was happy. It was the first real confession she'd heard from the blonde, and though she didn't really need it, it meant something to her. She was about to go into the kitchen and casually interrupt, but Alex's next sentence stopped her in her tracks.

"Did she really fill the space I left?"

Paige was tempted to lie, to say that yes, Ellie had filled every inch of the gaping hole left in Paige's heart. Maybe Alex would finally take the hint that Paige just wanted things the way they were right now and stop any plans she had to keep attempting to win Paige back. But for some reason, she couldn't lie. She could only say exactly what she felt.

"No, she didn't," Paige said slowly. Ellie's heart stopped as Paige trailed off. She waited several seconds, wanting to storm into the kitchen, to tell Paige how much of an idiot she was, to scream and cry and have one of those passionate blow ups that Paige always seemed to be having with Alex. The knife in her stomach wouldn't let her though, and instead she turned around and went back upstairs, throat constricted and heart full of pain. In the several seconds that had elapsed, Paige took a deep breath and finished her sentence. "But she did make her own space, slowly but surely. I'm happy, Alex, no lie."

Alex thought for several moments before replying. "You could be happy with me. I still love you, Paige, and I'm going to make sure you know it." She stood up, giving Paige one last look to let her know that she meant it, before leaving. Paige sat at the table, wondering who the hell she'd pissed off enough to be put in a situation like this, and sighed. These things never ended well.

**Ugh, angst is so not my thing, can you tell? So, I'm really excited that the new season of Degrassi has started, but am I the only one who wanted to cry for poor Darcy? Though this does play into my next fic quite nicely. And answer me this: why can the writers of Degrassi not leave poor Palex alone? Sigh. By the way, how did you guys like the little Manny add in there? Reviews! Reviews! I'm so excited to hear what you guys think about the new season, about the fic, about anything! Hit me up, eh?**

**The new editor of the school paper: TexasWatermelon. Sorry guys, I'm taking over.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Our song is the slam of screen doors, sneaking out late tapping on your window, when we're on the phone and you talk real slow, cause it's late and your mama don't know… Sorry, I've just discovered country music, so I'm slightly obsessed. I would just like to warn you that there is major angst in this chapter. And crappy writing. I really don't like it all that much. See for yourself:**

**dilemma**-_ noun_- a situation requiring a choice between equally undesirable alternatives

Paige Michalchuk had a dilemma.

It wasn't the kind of dilemma that involved picking out shoes that were cute, but not too flashy or slutty, and casual, but not sloppy, while still being comfortable and durable and matching your outfit at the same time. No, that kind of dilemma she could handle. This dilemma involved two beautiful women, three fragile hearts, and more potential for an explosion than Three Mile Island armed with 672 atomic bombs. Toronto was going to feel some aftershocks by the time it was all said and done.

Ellie was avoiding her. And when she couldn't manage to do that, she was bitchy enough to make Paige wish she'd go away again. The blonde wasn't sure what the hell had happened, but the sudden mood swing was worrying her. Paige didn't do well with other people's attitudes, and it was taking everything she had not to start a fight about it. She figured it might be the loss of University and the paper. Ellie never did seem like an equal opportunity summer enjoyer. Still, it wasn't Paige's fault that Canada didn't feel the need to implement education all year round, and she wasn't about to start lobbying for it either. If Ellie wanted that, she could start brushing up on her Chinese.

Alex, on the other hand, wouldn't stay away. She was keeping her word about showing Paige how much she wanted her. The problem was, as easily as Alex could piss Paige off, she also knew just what to do to make her heart melt. One night, Paige had been bitching about the lack of coffee in the house and how no one had time to go get it before morning. The next morning, Paige woke up to Marco calling through the house asking who had dropped off a bag of fresh coffee grounds and blueberry muffins (Paige's favorite). It just wasn't fair.

And when it came down to what Paige wanted… well, she wasn't really sure what she wanted anymore. She didn't want to leave Ellie, really. It was safe and warm where Ellie lived, and Paige was happy there. But the familiarity of Alex was creeping back into her system, and each day that Alex showed up made her remember one more reason that she'd fallen for her in the first place. And truthfully, if Ellie had any idea that their relationship was in trouble, she certainly wasn't fighting for it. She was only helping to break it down further.

Asking Marco for help was out of the question. As much as he loved Paige, Ellie was still his best friend, and that wasn't likely to change. Paige just couldn't bring herself to tell him that she was having thoughts about Alex again. She didn't want to put him in the middle. As for Dylan, he was a wreck where relationships were concerned as well, and Paige didn't really feel like talking to her older brother about her girl troubles (something he couldn't really relate to). All in all, she was screwed, and not literally enough to make the emotional fallout worth while.

Monday morning found Paige working at The Dot, serving coffee and pastries to all of the miserable people on their way to the office and the hopeful students of Degrassi gearing up for their last few weeks of school, trying desperately not to think about her troubles and failing miserably. After the morning rush died down, her manager pointed her towards the stampede-battered tables for post-war cleanup. She obliged, grateful for something else to keep her occupied. Just as she did, the shop bell rang, and a glint of red caused her to look up. Despite herself, Paige couldn't help but smile when she saw Ellie walk up to the counter.

"Hey," she said, putting her hand on the redhead's shoulder. Ellie turned her head and gave a small smile.

"Hey yourself," she replied. "Fancy seeing you here." Paige grinned wider, thinking that Ellie's mood streak had finally ended, which was cause enough for her to give Ellie a kiss.

"What can I get for you?" Paige asked, moving around the other side of the counter.

"Hm, I think I'll take a coffee," Ellie told her. Paige raised an eyebrow speculatively.

"Don't we have that at home?" she pointed out. She could almost see Ellie's good mood deflate in an instant and mentally kicked herself for saying anything.

"I wanted this coffee instead," the redhead said. Paige had to resist the urge to scoff. How could Ellie still be trying to be tactful at this point? The blonde was getting tired of her girlfriend's irrationality. Arms crossed, she gave Ellie a hard look.

"Why? Because Alex didn't buy it?" Ellie's brow furrowed.

"I'm surprised there's any left still with how fast you scooped it up. You just couldn't wait to drink it," she shot. This time Paige did scoff in disbelief.

"We were out of coffee! I wasn't going to ignore it just because Alex bought it!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of things you wouldn't ignore coming from Alex," Ellie said, rolling her eyes. Paige clenched her jaw before she could say anything else. Matters didn't need to be made any worse than they already were.

"Ellie, just go," she demanded quietly.

"What about my coffee?" Ellie asked, glaring at Paige.

"There's coffee at home," Paige reminded her coldly, watching icily as Ellie stared her down, then turned and stormed out of the shop. It was several seconds after the door had swung shut that Paige let out the breath she'd been holding and collapsed against the bar. What the hell…

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It was ridiculous, the tendency that Ellie had to screw up anything that was going good in her life. She let her jealousy get the best of her, despite the fact that she'd promised herself she wouldn't. She'd been doing so well, too. But the conversation she'd overheard between Paige and Alex in the kitchen was the final straw. Now she was letting her bitchiness affect her relationship with Paige.

Ellie had gone to The Dot with the intention of making things right with Paige. She'd finally decided to forgive the blonde for the statement she'd made since, so far, she hadn't done anything to make Ellie think that she was going astray. How she'd managed to turn a conversation about coffee into an argument about Alex, Ellie wasn't entirely sure, but now as she walked away from the shop, she kicked herself for her own stupidity. Paige was being patient with her, and this was how she repaid her. Stupid.

Anger subsided and out of steam, Ellie stopped and sat down on a bench just across the street, sighing heavily. She considered getting up and walking back over to The Dot to apologize, but she figured that Paige was probably too angry right now to accept. Maybe she'd just give her a while to cool down.

Just as this though was making its way through her brain, Ellie looked up and saw none other than Alex Nunez entering The Dot. The redhead fought with herself for several seconds in an attempt to stop herself from going over to investigate, but her jealous side won out, and she got up, crossed the street, and positioned herself in front of the window. She watched as Alex talked to Paige, making the blonde smile and laugh, touching her arm lightly. The jealous lion inside her chest roared, and just like that, the anger was back. Jaw set, Ellie tore herself away from the window and stomped home.

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When the shop bell rang again, Paige ignored it, hoping that it wasn't Ellie coming back to rip her a new one. She just couldn't take another outburst. She hadn't even done anything wrong this time to attract the redhead's anger!

"Hey there, Paigey," a voice rang out, and Paige groaned.

"Not now, Alex, please," she pleaded, lifting her head just enough to look at the cheerful brunette with weary eyes. Alex furrowed her brow in concern and sat down across from her.

"What's up?" she asked. Paige sighed and shook her head.

"Ellie," was all she said.

"Still?" Alex asked sympathetically. Paige nodded. "See, what did I tell you about redheads? Crazy, all of 'em." Paige chuckled.

"Shut up," she said playfully.

"Look, things will get better," Alex promised, touching Paige's arm. Paige nodded, looking at Alex gratefully.

"Yeah," she agreed. "I hope so."

--------------------------------

Shift ended later that afternoon, and Paige trudged home, half hoping that Ellie wasn't there so that she didn't have to deal with her, and half hoping that she was so she could just apologize and get through the rest of the day amicably. She opened the front door cautiously, half expecting to find the redhead waiting for her with a death glare aimed over the threshold. The entryway was vacant though, and upon further inspection, she found the living room and kitchen to be as well. Paige had a feeling her fate lie upstairs.

Following her instinct, she walked upstairs, wondering why she was dreading each step so badly. She felt like there was something strangely wrong with the fact that she was actually dreading the sight of her girlfriend. Something in her gut just told her that no matter what happened, things would end badly.

She found Ellie in her bedroom, reading a book with an angry scowl on her face. Was she still mad about this morning? God, that girl could hold a grudge. Before she could chicken out, Paige mustered her strength, and knocked on the door. Ellie looked up, giving Paige a cold look.

"Hey, listen… I'm sorry about this morning. I didn't mean to start a fight," Paige said, deciding to get things over with as soon as possible. She geared herself up for something big, but nothing came.

"Okay," Ellie said finally. Paige just stared at her in disbelief. She felt something snap. This was ridiculous. She couldn't take it anymore. She hadn't done anything to deserve this treatment, and the least Ellie could do was apologize as well.

"What is your problem?" Paige asked angrily. Ellie raised an eyebrow asking for clarification. "For almost a week now you've been nothing but a bitch to me for no reason. What the hell did I do to you?"

"I don't know, Paige," Ellie responded, throwing her book down. "Why don't you ask the hole in your heart that I didn't manage to fill." Paige stared at the redhead in confusion for a few seconds before it finally dawned on her. Ellie had heard her conversation with Alex.

"You heard that?" she asked. Ellie nodded. Paige laughed. She couldn't help it. All of this, just because of something that she'd said. She decided she'd better explain herself though, because Ellie didn't seem to find the situation very humorous. "Then you obviously didn't stick around long enough to hear the rest of it. If you had, you would have heard the part where I said that you didn't need to fill the space that Alex left, because you made your own. Ellie, I'm happy with you. Why don't you get that?" Ellie was silent for several long minutes, and Paige expected her to finally let her guard down and apologize for everything. She was baffled when the girl shook her head instead.

"It doesn't matter, Paige. Because no matter how happy you are with me, you're always happier with Alex around. I've watched you two together. You're still in love with her," Ellie said.

"What do you want from me, El? She's still my friend," Paige pointed out, avoiding the question. Ellie hesitated.

"I want you to make a choice," she said finally. "Stay with me, or go to her." Paige couldn't believe what she was hearing. Ellie was actually giving her an ultimatum. How had her day ended in this? And still… she couldn't bring herself to make the obvious choice. If she stayed with Ellie, the girl would want her to cut off ties with Alex. She couldn't do that. Ellie was right. She did still love Alex.

"Ellie…" Paige pleaded, begging her with her eyes not to make her do this. "I… I can't." Ellie sighed, looking defeated.

"I know. It's okay," she said. "So I'll make the decision for you." Paige looked up, eyes wide. "Go to Alex, Paige. She's the one you really want." The blonde shook her head, mouth agape.

"Ellie, no." But Ellie was already up, crossing the room to the doorway where Paige was standing. She looked at Paige sadly, her deep brown eyes shining with the tears she couldn't will herself to shed in the blonde's presence, and shut the door.

--------------------------------

"I'll get it," Alex told her mom, referring to the knock on the apartment door. They'd just sat down to dinner and were discussing hockey standings when the dull, half-hearted thump of wood resonated through the room. The brunette stood up and pulled the door open, resisting the urge to gasp at what she found on the other side.

Paige was standing there (barely), her eyes bright red and tears running down her face. She stared up at Alex with a kind of broken look in her eyes, sniffing as she took in shaky breaths. Alex stood frozen for several seconds before responding.

"Paige, what the hell happened?" she asked finally.

"Ellie," Paige choked out. "She… we… we're done." If Paige didn't look so sad, Alex probably would have been jumping for joy. As it was, she took Paige by the arm and led her into the apartment, sitting on the couch with her. She took the blonde in her arms and Paige buried herself in Alex's chest as she cried. Alex's mom hurried over, looking worried.

"Is she okay?" she asked. Alex nodded.

"She will be."

**Like I said, crap. And no, this is not the end of the story. By the way, I just want to ask how many Saw fans I have out there? Who else went to see Saw IV and was so disappointed they wanted to erase the memory of it? Oh well… I'm thinking that next chapter will be… actually, I have no idea. Which means it could take a while. Bear with me on that.**

**Question concerning my Degrassi/SoN cross: Should it be 1****st**** person point of view Darcy, or 3****rd**** person point of view focused on Darcy? I can't decide. I'm leaning towards 1****st****, but I know I'm going to regret doing my story in it. I despise 1****st****. But I happen to write it well. So I'm going to let you guys decide. I feel like 1****st**** will give a better insight into the conflict that Darcy's going to end up feeling. Let me know in your REVIEWS, eh?**

**How 'bout that TexasWatermelon, cowgirls?**


	13. Chapter 13

**Eh… This is a short chapter, but post breakup is depressing. I tried to give a good insight into what both girls are feeling at this point. Hence the italics portions, which are thoughts. It's not too difficult to figure out though. Oh, and I just want to clear the air on something: this is a Pellie fic. It didn't start as one, and is now going to be Palex. It's still Pellie. So, I don't want anyone to keep reading this thinking that I'm going to fix the mess that the Degrassi writers made of Palex during "Love is a Battlefield." Don't get me wrong, I love Alex. But I love Ellie more. Just wanted to clear that up.**

_Things fall apart. Sometimes they fall so hard, you're not even sure that they can ever be put back together again. You feel so ruined and guilty and upset at first that you don't even want to look at them. The pieces are all jumbled and confusing, and they don't look anything like what you thought they did. And by the time you're ready to get out the scotch tape and start patching things up, you realize that some of them don't even fit in where they did before, and some of them just don't have a space at all anymore. Some things are never the same again. Some things can't be put back together. Maybe they're not meant to be._

_I'm not really sure what I'm trying to accomplish by saying all of this, but this is the only thing that I can think of doing right now to keep myself from slipping into nothingness. It's been three days. Three days, and I haven't seen __her__ yet once. That's probably a good thing. If I did, I'd either get really angry and say things that I just don't have the energy or heart to say right now, or I'd break down and cry. I think the second would be worse. I refuse to do that in front of her. My emotions are no longer her concern. I wonder if they're even mine anymore. I feel dead, removed from everything. I almost want to see her. If I do, I can pretend for at least a second that none of it happened, that things are back to normal again._

_I guess I can't really blame Alex. It's not her fault. Then again, I'm sure she wasn't pushing her away when she came knocking on her door. God, listen to me. I can't even type her name, let alone say it. It's pathetic. I swear, even Craig wasn't this bad. There's just something about her. She gets me, more than I get myself sometimes. Heh, how cliché. But it's true. She notices things that I don't. My day can be total crap, and somehow she can make it all better just by being there. I feel like she still could, even now._

_I think I may be gone. More gone than I realized. Problem is, I don't really know how to come back. I don't think I even want to._

Ellie read the last line again, the truth of it resonating in her head and making her chest feel tight. With a sigh she closed her eyes and shut the laptop. Her only real outlet was writing now. She didn't want to talk to anyone, even though Marco had been trying his absolute hardest to offer his shoulder. She didn't take it. Crying was just not an option right now. Neither was the other thing. She couldn't go there. Not when she'd been doing so good. But God, did she want to.

No school, no paper, and no job left Ellie with no distractions. Books and TV were like bright flashing advertisements for happy couples, shoving things right back in her face. She spent most of the day in her room, barely even coming out for food. Even coffee tasted bad lately. Oh right, they were still on the bag that Alex had bought. Maybe it was poisoned.

Even though she'd gotten up late, and taken a long nap during the day, Ellie found that she was tired again. She hardly had any energy. With another sigh, the redhead flopped down onto her pillow, instinctively grabbing onto a stuffed frog that Paige had gotten her, and ended up cuddling with anyway whenever they slept in Ellie's bed. She looked at the fuzzy green thing with distaste. It smelled like Paige. She chucked it across the room. A deep breath made her realize that the rest of her bed smelled like her, too. After a few seconds of breathing in the blonde, she suddenly jumped up, ripping the comforter and sheets off of her bed and tossing the pillows into the window. When she was done, she stared down at the bare mattress, breathing hard. Then she fell on top of it and went to sleep.

--------------------------------

Morning in Alex's apartment was different than morning at the house. There wasn't any sun poking its way through the curtains (Alex had an aversion to bright wake up calls). There wasn't chatter downstairs, or the smell of coffee and pop tarts. Probably the only similarity was the presence of a warm body next to her. And even that, obviously, was different. Not bad. Just different.

Paige rolled out of bed and grabbed her towel off of the nearby chair. She'd been laying there for almost half an hour just listening to Alex breathe. It was heavy, with a lot of sighs. Not like Ellie's, who breathed so lightly that Paige thought she wasn't breathing at all the first time she woke up before the redhead did. Alex always looked like she was fighting something when she slept. For Ellie, sleep was the only time that her face was free of worry.

Paige knew that standing here comparing the sleeping habits of her current girlfriend (was that even what Alex was now?) and ex wouldn't make things any simpler. Not that they needed to be. Ellie had already done all the simplifying when she ended things. She had a right to, of course. Paige did love Alex. But was she still _in love_ with her? It didn't matter. She had to be.

By the time she was done with her shower and dressed for work, Alex was up making breakfast. The brunette smiled when Paige walked into the kitchen, and Paige returned it. She always was good at it, even when she didn't mean it. Alex handed her a cup of coffee as she sat down, and Paige thanked her for it quietly.

"Did you sleep well?" Alex asked. _No._ Paige nodded.

"Of course."

"Good. So, I was thinking about some things while you were in the shower." Paige raised an eyebrow. Alex wasn't really the I-was-thinking-about-some-things type. That was usually Paige's role. "If you're going to be staying here for a while, you might want to pick up some of your things from the house. You can't live out of the same duffle bag forever." _Forever?_ Why was Alex talking about forever? "Paige?"

"Yeah. Okay." Alex frowned as Paige took a sip of her coffee.

"Are you sure you're alright?" she asked. Paige's eyes flicked up. _No. I'm not sure of anything._ She nodded again. "If it's too soon, you don't have to. I can do it for you. Or, I could go with you."

"No, it's okay," Paige said quickly. "I'll stop by after work." She looked at the clock. "Which I'm going to be late to if I don't get going." Pushing her chair back, Paige stood up and walked over to Alex, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thanks for the coffee." With that, she left. Alex stared after her long after she'd gone before dumping the coffee cup that only had a sip missing from it into the sink.

--------------------------------

Work was hell. Everything that could have gone wrong, did, and then some. Three spilled coffees (one of them on Paige's pants), an iced latte, a can of exploded whipped cream, and a burn from the coffee brewer made for an exhausted blonde and a pissed off manager. Not to mention the fact that the place was packed with annoying teenagers, most of which Paige actually knew. Now that school had let out for the summer, every member of Degrassi decided to spend their days at The Dot. Everyone except the most recent graduates, who were the only ones that Paige actually liked, but they all had more important things to do with their own jobs and preparing for college.

And now she was on her way back to the House of Doom. She wasn't sure when exactly Marco and Dylan's house had been dubbed that in her mind, but it seemed fitting enough. Ellie was there. Paige knew that she was. That's just how her luck went. But Alex was right, she needed some things. Maybe if she was lucky, she wouldn't have to see Ellie at all. She wouldn't really know what to say if she did. "Sorry for breaking your heart," just didn't have the ring to it that one might think it did.

The downstairs of the house was deserted, as it usually was these days. Upstairs, Ellie's bedroom door was shut. Paige assumed the redhead was in there. She walked past it, and into her own bedroom. Everything was exactly like she'd left it. It was untouched, filled with vivid memories of things that had happened in the past months. All of them seemed to involve the girl across the hall. It made Paige's head hurt, and she started digging through her drawers to keep herself occupied. She shoved enough clothes and shoes in a bag to last her a few weeks, along with her hairbrush and a few other small items. As she turned to go into the bathroom for her toothbrush, she ran right into Ellie, who was standing in the doorway with an inscrutable expression on her face.

"Ellie," Paige spluttered, backing up a bit.

"So you're out of here for good," Ellie stated, her expression still unreadable. Paige looked down at her hastily filled bag and nodded.

"Yeah," she said, looking back up at the redhead. "I guess." They stood in silence for a few minutes before Paige took a deep breath. "Ellie, I don't even know what to say. I wish there was something I could do to make this all better." The sincerity in her eyes made Ellie's heart crack. _No! I can't cry in front of her._

"There's nothing _to_ say, Paige," Ellie responded, keeping her voice as steady as possible.

"I know," Paige said, her face so crestfallen that Ellie felt the tears start to spring to her eyes. "But I'm still sorry." Ellie shook her head, blinking hard. Her throat was starting to choke up.

"You know, I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past three days. Actually, thinking is about the only thing I've done at all. And as much as I'd really like to hate you right now, I just… can't. Because I realized that somewhere over the past few months… somehow… I fell in love with you." By this point, Ellie couldn't stop herself. She took a few seconds to collect herself, during which time a single tear rolled down her cheek, before she continued. "I really wish I hadn't." The last part was said as a whisper, but Paige heard it loud and clear. The words seemed to echo across the room long after Ellie had retreated.

Paige felt like someone had just taken a baseball bat to her gut. It wasn't the fact that Ellie was in love with her, or what she'd said after that. The words were hurtful, yes, but they weren't what had her choking out a sob as she sank to the floor. It was the realization that had failed to present itself to her in all of the time that she'd been with Ellie, either because she was too scared of it or too oblivious. Paige loved Alex. But she was in love with Ellie. And now Ellie was gone.

Heartbroken, in love, and alone, Paige curled up in a ball on the floor and cried harder than she could remember crying since she'd graduated high school. It was nearly an hour later before she picked herself up off of the floor, grabbed her bag, and left. Alex's arms wouldn't prove a comfort tonight, but they were the only arms that she had to go to now. She wondered how she'd ended up in a world where instead of looking for a substitute for Alex Nunez, she needed one for Eleanor Nash.

Love, she decided, sucked. A lot.

**Um, ouch, Ellie. I've had that scene planned out in my head for a good while now. So things are going to get worse with this before they get better. More drama for poor Ellie, depressed Paige, no lovin' for Alex. You'll see. And I didn't really get a lot of input on the 1****st**** person or 3****rd**** person question I asked last time about my next fic. So anyone that didn't weigh in on that yet should. Majority so far says 1****st**** person, but I might write the "pilot" chapter in both forms just to see which I like better. Oh, and for the record, Paige in "Degrassi of the Dead" total win.**

**Oh yes, Paige, **_**let's**_** repopulate. TexasWatermelon will show you how.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Right, so I'm kind of excited about this chapter because… I'm weird like that. But I think you guys will like it. Well, some of you will like it. Others might not so much. Anyway, it's a little less angsty, which is good for me because I hate angst soooo much. Okay, I'll leave you to it.**

There's a particular moment in a movie, usually during the climax, after all kinds of strenuous plot-building has gone on, that the main character generally has an epiphany of some sorts. When that happens, the hero of the story races off to wherever they need to be to execute their brilliant plan. There's usually a tiny snag, but it's easily fixed so that by the end of the movie, every viewer gets the happy ending they hoped for.

Paige had finally had her epiphany.

It seemed silly to her that she couldn't be a proper movie character and play out her part right. Now that she'd finally realized that she was in love with Ellie, she felt like she was supposed to be sprinting full force through the pouring down rain and jumping off of buildings just to make sure she got to the airport in time before the redhead flew off to California to start a new life and she never saw her again. Problem was, Ellie wasn't flying off to California. She was still living in Marco and Dylan's house, and all Paige would need to do would be to drive over there, explain to Ellie that she'd made a terrible mistake, and solve all of her problems in one shot. But Paige was stubborn and kind of depressed, and she felt like there was no point in doing any of these things. Ellie wouldn't take her back anyway. Her fate had been set. She was going to live here with Alex for the rest of her life, pretending to be in love with a girl who loved her way too much.

And then the phone rang. Paige couldn't explain it, but that shrill sound brought with it more of a sense of foreboding than anything she'd ever experienced. She didn't answer it, didn't even move, she merely stared at it as it begged her to pick it up.

"Are you going to answer that?" Alex called, poking her head out of the bedroom door where she was getting dressed for the day. Paige didn't answer. "Okay, I guess not…" The brunette jogged over to the phone, which was on its last ring before going to voicemail, and answered it with a huffy hello. Paige watched her as she listened to the person on the other end, confirming that she understood whatever they were telling her before hanging up. The look on Alex's face said it all.

"Who was it?" Paige managed to croak out, even though she already knew.

"It was the assignment officer from the Corps," Alex said blankly. "I have an assignment in Mozambique. I ship out the end of this week." Once again, Paige found herself silent for a while. When she did speak, all that came out was a faint, "Oh."

Alex was leaving. Again. It was like this vicious cycle that just kept pulling her around and around. Every time she and Alex got close, Alex would leave. It happened their senior year when Alex broke up with her before she went to Banting. It happened after Paige dropped out when she left for the Peace Corps the first time. And it was happening now, right when Paige wanted her to be there the most.

It was true, she didn't love Alex the way she loved Ellie, but since Ellie wasn't really an option at the moment, Alex was the next best thing. Alex was comforting, a warm body to sleep next to at night, a friendly face to wake up to in the morning. She was generous and kind. She was the only person that Paige had so that she wasn't alone. Maybe she was using Alex, but if the brunette left again, things would go right back to the way that they were before that fateful day when Ellie brought up the subject of her newspaper assignment. Paige couldn't go back to that. She refused. Alex couldn't leave.

"Alex, you can't leave." Alex seemed startled by this statement, and she looked at Paige accordingly.

"What do you mean?" she asked in confusion.

"I mean you can't leave!" Paige exclaimed, her frustration evident. "You can't just pack up and go again, not now."

"Paige, I have to go," Alex said.

"Why? What is so pressing that you have to fly off to some remote country in Australia—"

"Africa," Alex corrected.

"Whatever! Why can't you stay?" Paige asked.

"Because this is my job, Paige. I signed up for this. I made a promise," Alex explained, becoming increasingly frustrated with Paige's attitude.

"This is bullshit, Alex!" Paige yelled. Alex glared.

"You knew there was a good chance that I would get shipped out again. You knew I wasn't going to be here forever. Or did that fact just happen to slip your mind in your rush to find another warm bed after Ellie kicked you out of hers?" Alex bit angrily. Paige scoffed.

"Don't start, Alex." Alex shook her head.

"This isn't even about me, is it, Paige? You've been weird ever since you came here all upset about the breakup. You came to me because you couldn't deal with your feelings for her. You still love her, and I'm just your rebound, just like always," she said, a hint of sadness in her voice. There were no words appropriate for an angry response. Alex was right about all of it. Well, mostly all of it. After a few moments, Paige sighed.

"You weren't always my rebound, Alex," she said quietly. "There was a time not so long ago when I loved you so much that I thought no one would ever be able to compare. I was scared of it when you were here, which is why we had so much trouble originally, but that doesn't mean it wasn't there. But Ellie… Something changed. It's not that I love you less, or that I love her more, it's just that I'm different now. It's like I told you when you first came back. I'm not the same Paige I was when you left for Egypt, or wherever it was you went to. You just don't fit into my life anymore, Alex. And I don't fit into yours. You're still my best friend and I still love you. That'll never change. But now… I'm Ellie's girl. I'm sorry that I used you to try to feel better about the situation, or to convince myself that I didn't love her. I'm sorry. But I can't pretend… It's just not fair, to any of us, especially you."

Alex was silent for a long time, staring down at the table. Paige waited for her, feeling immensely better for having confessed all of those things, but knowing that Alex deserved to have her say. When she finally did look up, her eyes were watery, but she held a grim smile on her lips.

"It's not entirely your fault. I was being selfish, hoping that there would still be a little of that old Paige left in you, hoping we could pick up where we left off. I guess our story's finished, eh?" she asked, her voice a bit tight now. Paige nodded sadly and Alex sighed. "I guess it's for the best. Long distance relationships never work out anyway."

"So what'll you do?" Paige asked. Alex shrugged.

"Start packing my things. Got a plane to catch in three days. Besides, there's this girl in my camp that I'm hoping will be there again. We had a thing," Alex explained sheepishly. Paige laughed. "What about you?"

"I'm going to start packing too. I'm sure my bed will be happy to see me again back at Marco's place," Paige said.

"And Ellie?" Paige sighed and shook her head.

"I think Ellie's going to need some time. It took a while for that relationship to build, and truthfully I wouldn't trust either of us just jumping back into it even if she would agree to it. I think we need to start fresh. I lost a good friend when we broke up. I'm kind of hoping to get her back. It'll be hard, but… what isn't these days, right?" Alex nodded.

"What do you say to one last movie marathon before you go?" she asked. Paige smiled.

"I think you should prepare yourself for an onslaught of sappy movies." Alex rolled her eyes.

-----------------------------

Three days later Paige had successfully moved everything she'd taken to Alex's place back into her bedroom. To say that things were a bit awkward at first would be an understatement, but it wasn't as though she hadn't been expecting it. Still, she was kind of happy to be back home. With the exception of the fact that Marco was a little weird with her and Ellie was nearly non-existent, things were almost normal again. Now, as Paige stood at the airport terminal with Alex and her Peace Corps camp, she realized that saying goodbye would be the final closure she needed to get back to her life.

Alex was happy here with these people. She fit in, almost like she was finally at home. Paige looked at them all, a strange group, but not a surprising one. She spotted a small blonde with bright green eyes a few yards away talking to a burley mountain man type. Alex was looking at the girl with a strange expression on her face and Paige grinned.

"So that's my competition, eh?" she asked. Alex started and tried to look like she didn't know what Paige was talking about. Paige looked back and appraised the blonde once more. She was cute, happy. "I'm not going to have to fly out to Pakistan or something to kick her ass because she broke her heart am I?"

"Mozambique," Alex corrected, rolling her eyes. "And no, you won't. Jamie's not that kind of girl. She's cool, like you."

"Well your standards of cool are pretty low then. I haven't exactly been the greatest girlfriend ever," Paige admitted.

"No, you haven't. But you were Paige. My Paige. And that's all that mattered." Paige sighed heavily and wrapped her arms around Alex tightly.

"Promise you'll write more often this time," she requested.

"Yeah, I'll be sure to give you an account of every bullet I dodge," Alex said with a chuckle.

"Alex! Don't say that. I worry about you enough as it is. Zimbabwe is a dangerous place."

"Mozambique, Paige," Alex reminded her dully. Paige rolled her eyes.

"Whatever, I got the right continent this time," she said, growing serious again. "Be safe. If they bring you back in a body bag, I'll kill you."

"I'll keep that in mind," Alex grinned. Paige hugged her one last time.

"Go save the world," she whispered. Alex nodded and Paige gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before Alex grabbed up her one bag and joined the rest of the group. She gave Paige one last wave as she walked through the gates. When the door closed behind her, Paige sighed again, feeling sad, worried, and a little lonely.

Back at the house, Paige sat on her bed staring off into space. Alex was on her way back to Africa for however long, and the only other friends Paige had weren't speaking to her. She wondered how hard it was going to be to get things back to normal with Marco. She didn't even want to think about what it would take to get Ellie to talk to her again. She supposed it was her own fault for never knowing what she wanted, always letting her head get in the way.

A soft knock broke Paige out of her thoughts, and she looked up to find Marco standing in her doorway rocking back and forth anxiously. He smiled at her a bit nervously and she looked at him in confusion.

"Hey… I just wanted to see how you were doing, you know," he said. Paige raised an eyebrow, but smiled anyway, knowing that this was his way of trying to kiss and make up.

"I'm okay. How about you?" she asked. Marco shrugged and moved further into the room.

"Pretty good." Paige nodded and they sat in silence for a few seconds. Finally, Marco sighed and sat down beside her on the bed.

"So Alex left again, huh?" he asked. Paige nodded again. "Where's she off to this time?" Paige chuckled despite herself.

"Mozambique," she said, imagining that Alex would be rolling her eyes at this point now that she finally remembered.

"And I'm guessing you're okay with it," Marco said, obviously confused by her mood.

"Yeah, I'm alright. She's doing what she loves, and I'm happy for her. Now, I'm just hoping that I can pick up the rest of this thing that used to be my life and continue with it," Paige explained. She paused before deciding to ask the question she'd been refraining from asking the entire time. "How's Ellie?"

"She doesn't talk much," Marco said with a shrug. "But I guess she's as good as she can be. I think she's a little more heartbroken than she really wanted to be." Paige looked down at the floor.

"Yeah, I know. I really wish there was a way that I could go back and give myself a smack in the head, make myself realize sooner," she said. Marco frowned.

"Realize what?" he asked. Paige looked up again.

"That I love her. That I'm not Alex's girl anymore. That I'm a complete idiot for letting Ellie go." She shook her head. "Guess the only way I'm ever going to learn is by screwing up."

"Well, it'll probably take her a little while. Ellie doesn't heal easy. But eventually she'll be alright," Marco promised. Paige nodded.

"I just want my friend back. I miss her," she said.

"You've just got to give her time," Marco told her. He put a hand on her shoulder before standing up. "It'll turn out right," he assured her, and with that he left the room. Paige sighed and sunk back into her bed.

"I hope you're right," she whispered.

**Yay, now I get to write the part where Paige puts her life back together. So glad about that. And I know some of you might be angry that I shipped Alex off to Africa again, but I believe it was necessary for Paige. Still, things aren't going to be all smooth sailing from here. We still have a few bumps to get over. And gosh, poor Spinner and his ailments. But angry Darcy is awesome! Her plot makes me want to write my new story even more. Ugh, okay I'm done talking you to death. Outie!**

**x  
****TheTex**


	15. Chapter 15

**Okay, well I'm writing this on Thanksgiving day, so I'll wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving even though it'll be long past by the time you read this. And for those of you Canadians, well you guys are just out of luck since yours was like a month ago. At any rate, you guys are going to loooooove this chapter because it is so fantastically bipolar, much like everyone in my family! You'll see what I mean…**

**Warning****: I'm not going to tell you what I'm warning you of, because that would ruin the surprise. But, just be warned.**

There's a time in every person's life when they feel like the world is out to screw them over. When even the things that do go right seem wrong, and the things that once served as a comfort no longer do their job. When you can be surrounded by people: friends, family, lovers, strangers, and feel completely and utterly alone. It's these times that are the hardest to pull out of. It's these times that some people wonder if they can even make it. Some people just don't. And it's these times that bring out the worst in people. Problems you thought you'd buried come back from the dead, this time with a vengeance. You can have all the help in the world, but the truth is, if you don't want things to get better, they won't.

Suffice to say, Ellie was having one of these periods. It had been three weeks since her break up with Paige, and things still hadn't gotten better. Well, they had gotten better, actually. Paige was back home, broken up with Alex, who had been shipped off to Africa or something like that. The blonde was kind enough to respect her space and not try to make up with her. Marco was there for her, Ashley had stopped by a few times, and things weren't really as bad as they seemed. Truthfully, Ellie wasn't even all that broken up about the break up anymore. There was just something about the whole situation, the abandonment and crappiness of it all that had thrown her into a depression that she couldn't seem to get out of. And it seemed like every day, the hole got just a little bit deeper.

Paige knew Ellie. She knew that the way the redhead had been acting wasn't good. She locked herself in her room all day, barely eating, hopefully sleeping. Unfortunately, it wasn't her place to do anything. If it was up to her, she would barge into Ellie's room, drag the redhead out by her little emo sweater, throw her in the shower and douse her with cold water to try to knock some sense into her. But it wasn't up to her. Marco had the unfortunate pleasure of listening to Paige's haggling all day. The blonde was constantly on his case, trying to get him to give Ellie a kick in the ass. He refused, saying that when she was ready, she would pull herself back together. Paige didn't believe him.

However, Paige had her own things to worry about. The first month of summer was almost gone, and before she started school in the fall she had to have a portfolio of designs done and ready to be presented on the first day of class. Needless to say, she hadn't even started. Luckily for her, she wasn't without inspiration. Virtually every person that passed by on the street or came in for a cup of coffee at The Dot was like a walking light bulb for Paige. She'd decided that this week, she would begin compiling ideas. The way she worked it out in her head, if she used the last week of June and the first week of July to gather some thoughts and brainstorm, that would leave her the rest of July and all of August to get into the more serious work. If she stayed on schedule, she would have her portfolio done just in time for the start of semester.

Of course, the Queen B wasn't doing this all by herself. She'd been smart enough to outsource, getting Marco to agree to help her with some men's items, Jimmy to commit to making some designs, and Ashley, who'd had her fair share of styles, to offer some ideas as well. As far as Paige was concerned, barring any major life catastrophes, she had this thing in the bag. And frankly, she felt she deserved it. She'd had enough screw ups in her life that something had to turn out right. Right?

"Marco, hon, I'm going to the book store again after work, so I won't be home right away," Paige announced Monday morning as she rushed around the kitchen, pouring coffee and throwing pop tarts in the toaster.

"Great, so does that mean I get stuck making dinner again?" Marco whined. Paige rolled her eyes.

"I can pick up pizza if you want," she offered. Marco beamed.

"Why Paige, you are so thoughtful!" he exclaimed. Paige scoffed and continued her morning routine.

"There is one thing that I want you to do for me," she said after a few minutes. Marco looked up from the paper suspiciously.

"If it involves going to the grocery store, you can forget about it. Last time I went the old lady at the checkout line called me a pervert for buying tampons," he said wearily, looking worn just from the memory of it.

"No worries, hon, I think we're good on tampons," Paige assured him with a chuckle. "This task doesn't even require you to leave home."

"I just cleaned the living room yesterday," Marco protested. Paige glared.

"Can I finish?" Marco closed his mouth. "Will you please just do me a favor and try to get Ellie out of her room today. If for nothing else, to take a shower and do some laundry. Things have got to be getting bad in her room, you can practically smell it through the door."

"Paige," Marco warned. "We've already been through this a million times. If Ellie wants to hide out in her room for a few weeks, I'm not going to stop her."

"Marco, it's not healthy! I went through this already, remember? She needs to get out, even if it's just for an hour or so. Make her come down and watch some TV, or take her to the mall. Something. I'm worried about her," Paige finished softly. Marco sighed.

"I know," he said. Paige looked down at him pleadingly and rolled his eyes. "I'll see what I can do."

"Great! Thanks," Paige said happily, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "See you this afternoon." Marco shook his head and returned to his newspaper.

--------------------------------------

Ellie ignored the hesitant knock on her door, staring at the ceiling from her bed. When it came again, she rolled her eyes. If she ignored it enough, whoever it was would think she was still sleeping and leave her alone. She didn't want any visitors today, or ever again for that matter. When the third knock came, louder this time and accompanied by a voice, Ellie groaned.

"Ellie, I know you're awake," Marco called through the wood. Ellie rolled out of bed and ripped the door open.

"What?" she snapped angrily. Marco raised an eyebrow.

"Good morning to you too, princess. Get dressed and come downstairs for breakfast," he ordered. Ellie glared.

"I don't want breakfast," she insisted.

"I don't care. Get dressed," Marco said.

"I am dressed," Ellie said, looking down at her clothes. Marco scoffed.

"Wearing the same outfit you've worn for the past three weeks doesn't count as being dressed. Put on some clothes that you can't smell from the miles away and come downstairs." Ellie stared at him suspiciously and he sighed. "It's safe, I promise. Paige is at work and Dylan's at practice. It's just us." Ellie considered this for a few seconds before rolling her eyes.

"Fine, I'll be down then," she promised. Marco nodded and left her alone. Ellie knew that she couldn't really be mad at him as she shut her door again and started pulling her clothes off robotically, but the boy had a tendency to be annoying at the wrong times. All she wanted was to be left alone to wallow in her sorrows. Why couldn't anyone just accept that?

When she was finally dressed in fresh clothes (which she had to admit felt kind of good), she tentatively stepped outside of her bedroom and walked downstairs, plopping onto the couch next to Marco. He was watching some trashy talk show, which, next to cartoons, was about the only thing that plagued daytime TV. She didn't get up again until early evening, when she heard Paige come in through the front door, at which point she made a stealthy exit upstairs while Marco was helping her with the pizza.

"Was that Ellie?" Paige asked, watching the dark figure disappear around the corner. Marco nodded and Paige frowned. "How long was she down here?"

"All day," Dylan replied, setting the sodas on the counter. Paige frowned harder.

"It'll get better," Marco assured her softly. "The fact that she came down at all today was a big improvement, right?" Paige nodded, but was distracted the whole way through dinner after that.

--------------------------------------

Several days later, Ellie came out of her room once more. She decided that it was time for a shower, at the very least, and perhaps a little maintenance work in the bathroom. Besides, no one would be home to interrupt her. Paige was at work, Dylan was at practice as usual, and Marco had gone somewhere else that morning. Taking her towel with her, Ellie went into the bathroom and shut the door, leaving a crack in it so that she could hear if anyone was coming. Her recent depression had made her a bit paranoid, admittedly.

Cranking the shower up to an almost scalding temperature, Ellie slipped in, enjoying the feel of the water on her skin. She hadn't actually been neglecting showers, she'd just been leaving larger gaps in her showering than usual, which made it all the more enjoyable when she actually did take one. She washed her hair thoroughly, working the suds through her scalp. Then she washed her body, scrubbing so hard that it made her skin burn a little.

When she was finished, Ellie wrapped the towel around her body and stepped out of the shower. The air was thick from the hot water, and the mirror was all steamy. She swiped her hand across it a few times so that she could see. She looked bad. She knew it. There were dark circles under her eyes, and she was too thin for her own good. Her hair was tangled and stringy, her skin was pale, and her eyes were glassy. She couldn't bring herself to care. She ran a comb through her hair a few times before throwing it down on the counter. It landed right next to a metal nail file.

As soon as her eyes landed on it, Ellie knew what was happening. She felt the familiar pull in her stomach, the twitch in her fingers, the itch under her skin. It was begging to be scratched, deep and hard. How long had it been? Two, three years? It felt like it was just yesterday that she'd made her last cut. The scars were blazing on her arm. She shivered at the contrast between the heat inside of her body and the air in the room. Her jaw clenched. Her breathing picked up. Her heart rate increased. Her knuckles were white as they gripped the counter.

Ellie watched in slow motion as her fingers inched their way along the surface, slick with condensation, towards the nail file. It was cold, light. She ran her thumb across the tip. Dull. She'd have to press hard. For a second it occurred to Ellie that this was crazy, that she shouldn't even be considering this. Once again she found that she didn't care. She needed this.

The blood was pounding in her ears so hard that she couldn't even hear her own gasp as the skin finally broke. It took only a second for the blood to surface, welling up to fill the line that she'd drawn. With a tremendous sigh, Ellie wondered how she'd gone so long without it. It felt like the first time all over again, with her little compass, digging into her skin. She reveled in the feeling once more.

And then the door opened.

Paige froze. The pure shock of seeing Ellie out of her bedroom was enough to make her fall over. But the blood. It was like a beacon, screaming out to her, calling her attention to Ellie's arm where it had started to run down. Ellie merely stared at her, nail file in hand, arm poised as though she were readying herself to do it again. Her eyes were filled with an expression unreadable, and Paige felt like she was back in tenth grade, walking in on Ellie in the girl's bathroom at Degrassi. It had frightened her that time. Now, it just broke her heart.

"Ellie," she whispered, taking a step closer. The redhead backed up, looking at her dangerously. Paige stopped, knowing that it was probably safer if she kept her distance. "Ellie, please don't do this."

Ellie couldn't concentrate. What was Paige doing here? Why wasn't she at work? Didn't she know how to knock? Why did she always have to ruin everything? When was she going to leave?

"Ellie, please put the nail file down," Paige pleaded. "You don't have to do this again."

"Get out," Ellie growled. Paige shook her head.

"Ellie—"

"Get out!" she screamed. Paige jumped, but backed up anyway because Ellie was advancing swiftly. With one last, scathing look, Ellie slammed the bathroom door shut and locked it. Paige dragged herself back to her room and cried.

**So I'm sure some of you guys saw this coming. And if you didn't… well, that's okay. But like I said, way bipolar. And things will only get worse for dear Ellie next chapter. I know you all love the emotional rollercoaster that is this story. I'm good for it occasionally. I'm also going to use this opportunity to advertise for a show that if you don't currently watch, you need to. Women's Murder Club is amazzzzzing. I mean, there's no slash, but the subtext is about as blinding as Manny's ugly ass season premier blonde hair. It's ridiculous. So if any of you do watch it, please tell me in your reviews, because I love to hear about it. Right, let's see if I can't hit out another chapter soon, eh?**

**x  
TheTex **


	16. Chapter 16

**Right, so… yeah.**

**Spoilers****: Tiny ones for Death or Glory.**

**Warning****: More cutting. And drama. Keep your respirators close at hand, people.**

Paige felt like writing a letter. She would get out a plain white sheet of paper and a bright pink pen and write it in the prettiest script she could muster. It would go a little something like:

_Dear Life,_

_ You suck._

_ Love,  
__ Paige_

Then she would stick it in an envelope and send it to herself as a reminder that all of her problems were entirely her own fault.

She hadn't seen Ellie since the episode in the bathroom last week. She hadn't dared to even look in on her. The only reason she knew the redhead was still alive was because she made Marco knock on her door every day to ask her if she wanted something to eat. She always refused. Paige hadn't told anyone about what she'd seen. Ellie would probably kill her if she did. Sometimes at night, when she was lying in bed, she thought she could hear Ellie crying. She just swallowed down her tears and willed herself to think of happier times.

Paige wished a lot of things. She wished that Alex was here. The brunette would know what to do, and if she didn't, she'd at least be able to make Paige feel better until they could find a solution. She wished that Ellie would talk to her. She wished she knew that things would get better. She wished that things would go back to the way they used to be, and that it wasn't Paige's room and Ellie's room, but _their_ rooms. She wished she didn't feel so guilty. She wished her heart didn't hurt so bad.

The portfolio, which had been the all-important thing in Paige's life just last week, was officially on hold. Paige was far too distracted to think about it, and she refused to try to do anything with her head as filled up as it was. When Marco asked her what was wrong, she told him that she'd had a run in with Ellie, and that it didn't end well. That was it, and Marco didn't pry.

Work was her only reprieve from worry. The mindless activities that she performed everyday were enough to distract her from this monstrous distraction. But even then, it was painfully obvious that something was wrong. Spinner, who had been off for most of the winter and a good bit of spring to battle his cancer, even noticed, and decided to ask about it.

"Paige, coffee minus a filter equals gritty coffee. Customers don't like that," he reminded her one day after three customers had returned their drinks. Paige sighed and nodded.

"Right, sorry, I wasn't paying attention," she apologized. Spinner frowned.

"Are you okay?" he asked. "You've been kind of out of it lately."

"Yeah, fine," Paige replied. She spun around, knocking a sugar container on the ground. It shattered, spilling sugar and glass all over the floor behind the counter. "Crap!" She grabbed a dust pan and broom, but before she could do anything with it, Spinner stole it from her and set it aside.

"Paige, seriously," he said, looking down at her. Paige huffed and slouched against the counter.

"It's Ellie," she said finally. "She's been pretty bad off ever since we broke up, staying in her room all the time. I mean, I didn't blame her for it. I was the exact same way after Alex left last year for the first time. But the other day… I caught her cutting in the bathroom. I tried to talk her down, but she went crazy. I'm so worried about her. I know she's doing it in her room, but there's nothing I can do. Marco's all about giving her space, and she doesn't want to talk to me. I just can't help but imagine the worst happening."

"Hmm…" Spinner mused. Paige raised an eyebrow.

"What?" she asked impatiently when he didn't say anything.

"Well, when I first found out that I was sick, I went kind of crazy. I shaved my head, and I beat the crap out of anyone that looked at me funny. I got destructive because it gave me a sense of control that had been taken away when I got diagnosed with cancer. I'm not saying that Ellie's the same way, because obviously we're entirely different people, but a lot of things have happened in her life that she had no control over. Her dad got shipped off with the army, her mom was an alcoholic, and she didn't have the best social life. And now, with you and Alex, she has no control again," Spinner explained.

"So what made you stop beating people up?" Paige questioned. Spinner shrugged.

"I realized that I did have control. I could be a man and face this thing head on. I only have one nut, but it's not like I needed them both anyway," he said with a grin. Paige rolled her eyes and shook her head, but smiled anyway. "Look, Ellie's gotten through this once before. She just has to realize that she has more control when she's not cutting than she does when she is. It might take some time, but it'll happen." Paige sighed.

"Thanks Spin."

--------------------------------

Ellie sighed and dropped the razor blade onto the bed next to her, resting her head on the wall as she watched the three cuts she'd just made glitter to life. Her arm felt heavy, and she reached for the wad of tissues she had next to her, but her hand fell just short and she didn't feel like moving anymore. The cuts weren't that deep. They'd heal. With that thought, she let herself drift off to sleep.

When she woke up several hours later, she realized that she was hungry. The numbers on her alarm clock were blurry. Or maybe it was just her. At any rate, they eventually told her that it was a little after five. Everyone would be home, but Ellie didn't care. She needed some kind of food.

It took a much greater effort than it should have to pull herself out of bed, and the trip downstairs was a little bit wobbly, but she passed it off as pure exhaustion. She would sleep again after she ate.

All conversation stopped when she entered the kitchen. The light was ridiculously bright, and she squinted to keep it out of her eyes. Spinner was there, and so was Jimmy. At least, she thought it was them. There was pudding in the fridge, and yogurt too, but that was far too much effort. She spotted pizza on the counter and grabbed a slice. Everyone else was still silent.

"Hey El, you alright?" Marco called. She ignored him. Pizza was more important. When she had what she wanted, she turned around and went back upstairs.

"Right, cause that wasn't weird," Jimmy commented. Paige bit her lip and shot a look at Spinner, who frowned.

"Yeah, too weird. Maybe I should go check on her," Marco suggested, pushing his chair back.

"Leave her alone," Paige told him. He looked ready to argue, but at her glare, shut his mouth and sat back down.

--------------------------------

(a few days later… let's say three for the sake of simplicity)

Blood. There was so much of it. It made pretty little patterns on the comforter. She struggled to focus on them, tried to blink away the fuzz that filled her vision. Where was the antenna? Maybe this wasn't so good. She tried to reach for the box of tissues on her nightstand, but her arm felt like jelly, too unstable to hold up her hand. Had her bones always been made of lead? Something fell. There was a big crash. She barely heard it. God, she was so tired.

"Ellie?" The door was open. Someone was calling for her, but she couldn't answer. "Marco, call an ambulance!"

There was a towel against her wrist. She wanted to hold it, to make it stop. It wasn't supposed to go like this. She felt so cold, like winter. It was still July, right? There was a hand on her cheek that felt like fire. A Paige hand. She knew that touch. Blue eyes staring at her. She struggled to stay focused, to stay awake. Sleep was so close. Maybe this would all be over when she woke up.

"Ellie, what happened?" the voice was frantic, distorted.

"I slipped…" It was so much effort to say those two little words. She just needed a little nap. Her eyes slipped closed.

"No, no, no. Ellie, stay with me. Don't go to sleep, sweetie. Please stay with me. Ellie!"

Sirens, bright lights through her window. Strange voices in her room, and a "we'll take it from here, ma'am." Wait, where was Paige going? She tried to call out, to find her. Her throat was sticky. Her tongue wouldn't move. Sleep. The only thing left was sleep. It was so dark where she lived.

--------------------------------

There were twenty empty chairs in the waiting room, but Paige refused to sit in any of them. She paced up and down in front of the nurse's station, growling at every person that passed without giving her news of Ellie's condition. What the hell was taking so long?

This was her fault. If only she hadn't given into Alex's charm. If only she hadn't broken Ellie's heart. If only she'd told someone about Ellie's cutting. If only she hadn't been such an asshole, they wouldn't be in this situation! Marco walked up to her and she stopped pacing.

"This is all my fault," she said angrily. Marco shook his head.

"It's not," he assured her.

"Are you kidding me? You don't blame me for this?" Paige asked. Marco sighed.

"Do I blame you for breaking her heart? Yeah, I guess I do. Do I blame you for not telling anyone that she started cutting again? Yeah, I blame you for that too. But do I blame you for this? No. She let it get this far. She let it break her down like this. A lot of people are to blame for this entire situation, not just you."

Someone put a hand on Paige's shoulder and she spun around, fist ready and eyes dangerous. The doctor jumped back, looking slightly alarmed. Paige lowered her fist, but her expression didn't soften any.

"Are you here for Eleanor Nash?" he asked cautiously. Paige nodded and Dylan and Spinner rushed over to them. Paige had made Marco call Spinner on the way over to the hospital. She wanted him there.

"How is she?" Marco asked.

"It was a close call," the doctor told them, "but we got her stabilized. If you'd gotten there any later, we might have lost her." Paige let out the huge breath she'd been holding, pressing her face into her hands. Ellie was safe. That was all that mattered.

"Is she awake? Can we see her?" Marco was asking.

"She is awake, but we'd rather only one person went in for right now. She's asking for a Paige…" Paige slowly raised her head, looking at the doctor in disbelief.

"Are you sure?" she asked. The doctor nodded.

"I'm assuming that's you," he said.

"Yes, it is her," Marco said, pushing her forward. Paige stumbled a bit, but followed the doctor down the hallway anyway. He pointed her to a room and walked away. She hesitated for a minute before taking a few steps in. Ellie was lying in the bed, looking towards the window on the far wall. Her hair was flat, her skin was pale, and there was a bright white bandage on her right wrist, but she looked healthier than she had for the past month. Paige cleared her throat and Ellie looked up.

"Hey," she said weakly. Her voice was rough from lack of use. Paige smiled and took a seat beside the bed. Ellie sighed and looked down at her hands. "I don't even know what to say to you right now."

"You don't have to say anything," Paige told her quickly. Ellie shook her head and met Paige's eyes.

"I was an ass, Paige. I let things get completely out of hand," she said.

"Yeah, but you can't help the cutting," Paige said. Ellie scoffed.

"Yes I can. I just didn't want to. And regardless of that, I've been screwing things up ever since Alex came back. I let my jealousy get the best of me. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," Paige assured her. Ellie glared. "Okay, it's not entirely your fault. I let Alex get in between us too. I was so afraid to admit…" she stopped and Ellie frowned.

"Afraid to admit what?" she asked. Paige shook her head.

"Never mind."

"Look, Paige, about what I said that day in your room…"

"Ellie, you don't have to apologize to me. I understand," Paige said. She didn't think this was the time for making up. She just wanted to make sure that Ellie was okay.

"No, please, let me finish." Paige shut her mouth. "I didn't mean what I said. I was just angry." Paige smiled sadly. She wanted to tell Ellie that she knew, that none of it mattered because she loved her, and that after she got out of the hospital, everything would be okay again. She wanted to, but she couldn't. Things just weren't that simple, and she didn't deserve a Disney perfect happy ending like that.

"Yeah you did, Ellie. And you were right to say it. Trust me, all you'll get with me is more heartache. Just ask Alex, or Spinner, or anyone else's life I've screwed up," she said softly. Ellie just stared at her in disbelief. What the hell? She was trying to make up, to apologize. Why wasn't Paige being a normal human being? "Get better, okay?" Paige squeezed Ellie's hand once before she left. Ellie sighed and laid her head back against the pillow. When were things going to get easy?

**Heh… this was going to be a less retarded scene until I realized that I had more I wanted to do before these two became friends again. Oh well. Anyway, I hope I portrayed the drama of this situation realistically enough for everyone. I think it would be pretty rockstar if Ellie started cutting on the show again. Just because that girl needs a plot that doesn't involve crackhead Craig, ugly greasy Jesse, or helping whiney Marco get a life. And you know, last time she did it was when she was in 10****th**** grade. Now she's older, and I feel like it would be ten thousand times better. Plus, I'm in love with Stacey Farber, and I'll take any excuse to see her on screen. Oh, and please excuse Spinner's mysterious innate knowledge of Ellie's life story.**

**x  
TheTex**


	17. Chapter 17

**Yay for no angst! And yes, I went on a complete writing extravaganza this week. Like, monster ficage. Anyway, I'm very proud to say that we are out of angst territory. THANK GOD.**

"Hey Frosh."

Ellie looked up from her notebook where she was supposed to be writing about her emotional state for the day, but ended up drawing little aliens in the bottom left hand corner instead. Even though she hadn't attempted suicide, the hospital was obligated to file a report with the police. To prevent herself from being placed under a one month mandatory observation at the mental institution, Ellie agreed to see a psychologist of her choice for a few months. Since she'd been down this road before, she requested to see Miss Sauve, who was more than happy to take on the job. Her former guidance counselor had visited her for all three Ellie's required hospital stay, and had given Ellie a notebook to write down any thoughts or sudden bursts of emotion she had. Ellie didn't mind so much, she was just too preoccupied with waiting for the doctors to sign her release papers that day to really pay attention to it.

"Jesse, hey," she said, giving him a smile. He handed her a cup of coffee. "Most people just bring flowers," Ellie joked. Jesse shrugged.

"What can I say? I'm a non-conformist." Ellie chuckled, but took the coffee gratefully. "So you're getting out of here today, yeah?"

"Finally," Ellie confirmed with a nod.

"And you're feeling better?" Jesse asked. Ellie nodded.

"I still get urges sometimes, but I'm just ready to get back to my life," she replied. Jesse sat back in his chair, but said nothing further. For a while, they were silent. "You know Jesse, sometimes I wish you'd never given me that damn assignment."

"Well then it couldn't have served its purpose," Jesse told her simply. Ellie raised an eyebrow. The fact that Jesse just seemed to know what assignment she was talking about was strange enough.

"What do you mean?" Ellie asked. Jesse grinned.

"You know I never printed that article, right Frosh?" he checked, though he seemed to know the answer already. Ellie gaped at him.

"What the hell are you talking about? I spent months on that!" she exclaimed, somewhat angrily. Jesse seemed unfazed by her outburst. He was always ten steps ahead of her.

"That article was crap, first of all," he started, and Ellie glared at him, though she knew it was true. "Second of all, I wouldn't have printed it anyway. We didn't have a need for it."

"Then why did you give it to me?" Ellie questioned.

"Because _you_ had a need for it," Jesse explained. "Look, you were kind of listless before that assignment. You needed something to give you a kick start. I figured a relationship would be the best thing. Straight or gay, you were bound to find someone to fit your fancy with that assignment. And hey, you did, right? There was a huge change once you hooked up with Paige. A good one."

"You are such an ass!" Ellie exclaimed finally after a few moments' silence. "My love life is none of your business."

"Most people just say thank you," Jesse grinned. Ellie rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, well I'm a non-conformist."

"Regardless of what's happened lately, you have to admit that getting closer to Paige wasn't all bad. Even before you guys got together, you had a lot of fun with her. Maybe you just need to get back to that," Jesse said seriously. Ellie sighed. She hated when he was right. Jesse stood up mussed her hair up a little. "I'll see you around, Frosh." He walked to the door, but stopped suddenly. "Congratulations, by the way."

"For what?" Ellie asked suspiciously.

"I named you as my successor at the paper. Didn't you hear?" Ellie scoffed and tossed a balled up piece of paper at him.

"Must have missed the memo," she said sarcastically. Jesse grinned and left.

-----------------------------

The welcoming party that greeted Ellie when she came home later that day consisted of Dylan, Paige, Ashley, Jimmy, Spinner, her mother, and Marco, who had accompanied her home from the hospital. Ellie accepted hugs from them all, including a slightly teary-eyed one from her mom. She had to admit that things were pretty good now that she had a little clarity. She supposed there was something wrong with the fact that it took nearly dying for sense to smack her in the forehead, but she wasn't going to think about it too much. It was time to get back to life.

Everything seemed fairly mundane for the rest of the afternoon and well into the evening. They ordered pizza, talked about normal things like school and people they knew, and joked around with each other. Ellie told them all that she was the newest editor of the University newspaper, and a toast was made to new beginnings. She tried to catch Paige's eye during this time, but the blonde had conveniently placed her gaze elsewhere. When the last person finally left, Ellie collapsed on the couch, happy to be home.

"Well, I hate to be an old woman, but I'm beat. You coming to bed Dyl?" Marco asked. Dylan nodded.

"Night guys," he said. Ellie and Paige nodded at them and watched them retreat upstairs. All was silent after that.

"I should probably get going too," Paige said after a few minutes.

"Paige, wait," Ellie requested. The blonde sighed, but stayed where she was. "Look, I'm not trying to make it seem like nothing ever happened between us, good, bad, or otherwise. I don't want to pretend that everything's fine now and that we can just go back to being… whatever. But I'm so tired of being angry; at you, at Alex, at myself. I just can't do it anymore. When I first got that assignment all that time ago, I thought I was doing you a favor by befriending you. What I didn't realize was that I was doing myself one, too. Paige, I'm happier with you around. You've become my best friend, but with the whole Alex thing, I let that get away from me, which is why I ended up feeling so lost. These past few days in the hospital made me realize that all I really want is to have my best friend back. If things go past that again, then they do and I'll be fine with that, because… I do love you. But I want to be able to laugh with you, and fall asleep on top of you, and watch stupid movies with you. I just want things to go back to the way they were before. Don't you?"

Ellie wasn't sure what it was about Paige that elicited these long speeches from her, but the fact that Paige was smiling at the end of it seemed to be a good sign. Still, for a little while, Paige didn't say anything.

"I do," she said finally, her voice barely above a whisper. "And I think you're right. We need to get back to that friendship, because honestly I was never happier than I was when we were friends. But there's something that I need to say, because I think I've waited too long already." Ellie held her breath. She wasn't sure what was coming next, or if it was even a good thing. But she knew that she had to let Paige get it out. "I love you, Ellie. I was afraid of it before; afraid that I'd only end up getting hurt again. But I can't keep going without telling you. I can't make the same mistake that I did with Alex. It's not really an easy thing for me to admit, and I might not say it nearly as much as I should. Hell, I might not ever say it again. But I just need to make sure that you know. So no matter what comes next, now you know that I love you." Ellie laughed.

"We've got to be two of the most emotionally screwed up people ever," she commented. Paige grinned.

"Probably, but at least we're screwed up together," Paige replied.

"That we are," Ellie said, and then she gave Paige a hug that lasted for a good long while.

-----------------------------

Ellie sat on the floor at the foot of her bed, legs crossed and thoughts running rampant as she stared down at the scars on her arm. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd done this. Maybe that was half of her problem. She had a knack of letting important things get away from her. But not now. Not anymore.

"Ellie, hon, I'm going to run to the store. You want to come along?" Paige called through the house. When there was no answer, Paige ran upstairs and stuck her head in the redhead's room. The sight that met her was a familiar one, but it worried her a little bit. "Hey, you okay?" Ellie looked up from her arm and met Paige's eyes with a nod.

"Yeah… just thinking," she replied. Paige moved closer and took a seat next to her. "It's been so long since I've just taken time out of my day to think. I didn't realize how much I missed it."

"Well I'm sure your thoughts missed you too," Paige said, taking Ellie's hand in her own. She looked down at the more recent scars, still pink. Then there was the cut that had almost killed her, a long, jagged line that ran across Ellie's wrist. The stitches had just been removed the other day, and the skin was still scabbed over. Paige couldn't resist the urge to reach out and run her finger along it ever so gently. Even though it was barely a ghost of a touch, Ellie gasped slightly. It was still tender. "Sorry," Paige apologized quickly.

"It's okay," Ellie assured her. She sighed. "So, you said something about the store?" Paige nodded and stood up, extending her hand to Ellie. "You know," Ellie said as they exited her room, "I could go for some cookies…"

**So I'm very sad (in a bittersweet kind of way) to say that this is the official last chapter of this fic. But really, there's nothing else to be done with it, and my girls just want a rest. I want to say thank you to everyone that stuck with me and reviewed. You guys rock hardcore. Another thanks to everyone who favorited/put me on their alert list. I'm going to start work on my Darcy/Spencer fic here in a few days, so those of you that are interested should be on the lookout. It's called Hum Halleluiah, but it'd probably be easier if you just put me on your Author Alert list, that way you'll know as soon as it's posted. Right, so I bid you a final farewell. Thanks again guys, really.**

**x  
TheTex**


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